Home for the charmless, with plenty of good scenery
Where do you find tightlipped, charmless, onedimensional people on TV? When they appear in New Zealand TV drama series. One Lane Bridge (TV One, Mondays) is a classic example. The Central Otago scenery might be inspiring, but the cast of characters isn’t. They’re grim, self-serving people who’ve had a charisma bypass.
Grubb is found dead beneath the bridge. Only Kiwi writers, Charles Dickens and The Addams Family can create a name like that. He’s clinically depressed and runs the family farm that’s heavily in debt.
His wife drinks and Dad’s in a nappy. ‘‘I want a bullet betweenmy eyes,’’ Dad tells Grubb. He should be contentwith padded underwear.
Local police chief Stephen Tremaine and Detective Ricky Davis, direct from Auckland, start exploring the cause of death. Davis has visions but, with his luck, he’ll become amodern-day Joan of Arc and get burned at the stake. One
Lane Bridge is also populated with other morose characters who have their own problems.
Although it’s not the most appropriate series to showwhile we’re in lockdown, it ticks over, is curious and, at least, there’s an unexplained death. Most of all there’s a vista to savour once we’re out of level two.
The price we pay for The Chase is the Bradley Walsh castoffs.
We’ve inherited the confusing Cash Strapped (TV One, Monday to Friday), while the best feature of Late Night Guestlist (TV One, Saturday) is its exit sign, but Breaking Dad (TV One, Mondays) is delightful.
Bradley, 58, and his son Barney, 21, go on a road trip to the United States. Bradley’s accessories are pink shorts, Hawaiian shirts, a deck chair and a straw, but Barney quickly propels him into his discomfort zone. They play volleyball on Venice Beach, meet studs who mix placebo with their protein – ‘‘I’m sort of Brad Pitt’’ – and go skydiving.
First Bradley must drive a 7.5-tonne, 11-metre motorhome. ‘‘Do us a favour, find me a blindfold,’’ he asks as they enter their first motorway. That’s nothing compared with the tandem skydive. ‘‘I can’t find my legs,’’ Bradley exclaims. They’re at the end of his pink shorts, but might be missing when they attempt alligator kayaking next week.
It’s gentle fun where Bradley is at his self-effacing bestwhile his talented son, Barney, can sing Piano Man and play harmonica better than Billy Joel.
It’s been said that level three is level four with KFC. If that’s the case Mcdonald and Dodds (TV One, Sundays) is Midsomer Murders with pizza. It’s set in Bath, a Roman village about 19 centuries ago.
Ambitious Detective Constable Lauren Mcdonald arrives in the city ready to disturb the waters. She does so when amember of the influential Crockett clan is murdered. Together with shy and enigmatic DS Dodds, she investigates the family to find out who did it and the army of skeletons in the cupboard could fill a morgue.
Max Crockett is at the heart of the intrigue, but it was his daughter’s partnerwho pulled the trigger. The ending was hugely contrived, but the two misfits connect enough times to last the episode. If David Lomas was there to sort out the family it would be over in half an hour.
I’m not intomarketing for takeaways but, if I was, I’d launch the Eggs-it burger on Monday night’s TV. It would contain lettuce (let us out), meat (I’ll meet you at the local), two yokes (I’ll range freely around the city), pineapple (I’m pining for level one) and sauce (so I can ketchup with my friends).
It was great to see Paul Henry back. Rebuilding Paradise (TV3 Monday onwards) is a hastily thrown-together series. Two of his guests, Julie White from Hospitality NZ and Professor Paul Spoonley, forecast a gloomy future, but jeweller Michael Hill reminded us to set audacious goals. One would be the long-term return of Paul Henry.
Remember to view Pixie: The Voice of Blue Smoke on Ma¯ori TV’S Anzac Day lineup. It includes an interviewwith our own Ruma Karaitiana, son of Ruru, who composed NZ’S first international hit. Blue Smoke is still drifting after 70 years.