What comes first, tiny baby or a whole nation?
If Sarah Raheem had been expecting on the day of the Cricketworld Cup final against England, would captain Kane Williamson have flown home? If Anushka Sharma had been expecting on the day of the World Cup semifinal against New Zealand would her husband Virat Kohli have flown home?
I find these fascinating questions because once upon a time nationhood stood far higher than the individual. Once upon a time it would have been unthinkable that the captain of the country would have deserted national duty in order to attend the birth of their first child. It would have been deemed as selfish.
But then even the language is slanted in that old-fashioned paragraph. The verb ‘‘deserted’’ and the noun ‘‘duty’’ already tell you what you are supposed to think. Country came first. Thousands of fathers missed the birth of their first born because they were on ‘‘national duty’’. It would not have occurred to them to do anything else.
And even quite recently some sporting captains have put their country ahead of self. In 2015, MS Dhoni missed the birth of his child because he was captaining India at the World Cup in New Zealand and Australia. India won sevenmatches in a row before losing to Australia in the semifinal.
Dhoni said at the time; ‘‘I am on national duties, so I think everything else canwait.’’ He discovered he had become a father for the first time through a text message.
And if some of us now think Dhoni’s decision to be slightly strange when viewed through our modernist lens, then what would we think if Sam Cane’s partner discovered she was expecting on October 21, 2023, the day of the Rugby World Cup final in France.
Well, I expect one of the first reactions would be; ‘‘What on earth were they thinking? Have they not heard about family planning?’’
But what would the second reaction be? Would you expect Cane to return home or would you expect him to captain his country? You could, of course, answer, as no doubt Jacinda Ardern would – that it is entirely their decision, and we should respect it. But that is the easy thing to say. It puts the cult of self and individual choice above the requirement to discuss standards of behaviour.
The question of the morality of paternity is particularly topical because of the time of year. Some readers will be Christians, some will not, but regardless of your faith or lack of it, the theology of the Christmas story is still socially relevant.
Mary, the fiance´e of Joseph, is pregnant. But he knows the baby is not his. Joseph could have scarpered. Many aman would, and we would probably not blame them. But in those times in particular, Mary would have been publicly shamed and perhaps harmed. So Joseph plans to find her a secret place of refuge.
Then in his torment, an angel comes to Joseph in his sleep and says; ‘‘Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to yourself Mary, your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. And she will bring forth a son, and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins.’’
Now whether you think that message is bonkers or whether you think it is the Divine Word is not the point. What really matters is the message. And the message is that Joseph is setting an eternal example for paternity. He is there at the birth even though the baby
‘‘I am on national duties, so I think everything else can wait.’’
MS Dhoni, former India cricket captain, below
is not his. He is giving the child a father.
Now I amnot theologically clever enough to know whether this example means that sporting captains should attend the birth of their children. Joseph was a carpenter. He could take the time away from work. But if Israel were under siege, and he were captain of the troops, what then?
Some Indian fans are angry that Kohli has left their team in the lurch down under. The situation is evenmore desperate after they were bowled out for a humiliating total of 36 in their second innings. One message said; ‘‘This is not right. Country first.’’
And certainly fans are entitled to ask questions. After all, both the Williamson and the Kohli clans have been sharing birth stories and pictures on social media. To that extent they have publicised the event. The fans have been invited to take part.
And some of those Indian fans will inevitably comment that the great Sunil Gavaskar did not leave a tour of New Zealand and the West Indies to attend the birth of his child and did not see his son for many months.
Gavaskar said; ‘‘I did not ask permission to return to be by my wife’s side for the birth. When I left with the Indian team for the (1975-76) twin tour of New Zealand and the West Indies, I was aware that the baby would come while I was away. I was committed to playing for India and my wife backed me to the hilt.’’
Would his wife back him now? Would Gavaskar’s decision be the same? Perhaps not, although change is not always quick to happen in India. Even now only government officials are entitled to paternity leave. Oh, sorry, government officials and Kohli.
The BCCI said in a statement ahead of the tour; ‘‘At a committee meeting held on October 26, 2020, Mr Virat Kohli had informed the BCCI about his plans to return to India after the first Test in Adelaide. The BCCI has granted paternity leave to the Indian captain. He will return after the first Test against Australia in Adelaide.’’
One suspects the BCCI did not have much of a choice. Virat Kohli and his Bollywood wife Anushka Sharma do much as they please. They have a lot of power. And perhaps they will also play a part in changing the way that India thinks.
Kohli said; ‘‘It (fatherhood) puts things into perspective for you. It is a beautiful feeling. It is difficult to describe how you feel, but when we found out, we were over the moon.
‘‘When we announced it, the kind of love showered on us was amazing. People were genuinely so emotional and happy for us. We are looking forward to the third member joining the clan.’’
So I wish them and the Williamson family well. The birth of a child is awonderful thing. But perhaps, so too is country. New Zealand found that again when it stood together over Covid during lockdown. Nationhood may be old-fashioned, but it can also be a power for extraordinary good.
So when asked to choose between self and country, between one tiny baby and a whole nation, the choice is not always easy. And the bigger the event, the harder the choice. Would a sprinter miss an Olympic final to dash home to be there at the birth of his child?
I don’t know. Ask Joseph. Merry Christmas.