Putting a bad year behind you
Clinical psychologist outlines five ways to tap into your own resilience and get ready for a brighter, better 2021.
Are you over 2020? Can’t wait to put the year that served up a global pandemic – and all it brought with it – behind you? There’s no doubt 2020 tested our resilience to its outer limits, with grief, job and business losses, financial and relationship struggles and a blowout of mental health issues, especially depression and anxiety.
It was a year that broke businesses, scuppered travel plans, and left many feeling stuck, isolated, exhausted, depleted – and grappling with forced change and relentless uncertainty. And that was alongside all the other adversities many people faced.
When we’ve been through challenging times, it’s natural to hope a new year will bring a fresh start. Sadly, it’s not that easy. But we can use strategies that make it easier to cope. Here are some tips for putting a tough year to bed.
1
Acknowledge the ‘‘bad’’
Getting through tough times is not about forcing yourself to be positive. It won’t work until you’ve acknowledged (and named, if possible) the difficult feelings and allowed yourself a little wallow time. It’s also helpful to identify specifically what was ‘‘bad’’, because you realise not everything was terrible. Good things happened, too.
2
Create a ritual to mark the ending
Some cultures use rituals and ceremonies as away of marking beginnings, endings and important life events. Rituals don’t necessarily bring closure, but they can help us move forward psychologically – or at least acknowledge, and package up, a difficult time.
Within your family, you could discuss your 2020 highs and lows, create an artwork, burn a candle, plant a tree, cook a special meal. The purpose is to signal that this phase is over. You’re stepping into a new space.
3
Tap into your own resilience
Resilience – how we respond under pressure and adversity – is a hot commodity, and it’s set to be even hotter as we deal with the pandemic fallout.
Some people are naturally more resilient due to their genetics, history and life experiences. But everyone can learn to be mentally stronger.
The key is to gather evidence for your ability to cope with, or get through, difficulty. So tap into what you did well this year? Ask: What did I dowell at work or personally? Who was I kind to? Did I show courage? Generosity of spirit? Optimism? Ability to cope with change or distress? What did I achieve in spite of the odds? How did I develop myself? What did I get better at?
People can struggle to answer these questions if they’ve had a rough year, because all that went wrong reflects back at them in neon lights and they can’t see past it. But you will have done something impressive this year. It’s your mission to go search for it.
4
What do Iwant more of in mylife?
If Covid-19 did anything, it showed us more of who we really are, who matters to us, how we like (or don’t like) to spend our time, all that we’re grateful for.
Think beyond the difficulties of the year, too: What was enjoyable? Fun? Helpful to others? Something that made a positive change to your life? What made you feel good (or calm or optimistic or happy?)
Your answers are the best clue as to what you need more of or to increase your focus on. You’d be surprised how little effort people put into this, when it’s the easiest way to build more goodies into your life.
5
What do Iwant to reduce?
Obviouslywe can’t control all the bad things that happen to us. Sometimes, it’s just due to circumstances, external factors or even other people’s screw-ups. But not always. There are always things we can control – things we can do better and things we need to cut back on. Ask: What’s holding you back? What’s limiting your life? What could you achieve if you got on top of whatever it is? What do you want to eliminate – or at least reduce? Hint: Just pick one thing. You will multiply your chance of freeing yourself from it.
Finally... Bundle up your answers to these questions. They’ll tell you what (and who) you want – and don’t want – in your life. Use your answers to set fresh goals and identify the small steps needed to move towards them. Then make a habit of them. Habitual action will take you much further than a bunch of lofty resolutions you’ll probably have broken within amonth.
In any life, tough times come and go. A difficult year may beat you down, but it doesn’t need to define you. How you handle it will.