Dear Israel: Say sorry, and from the heart
This piece contains content that some may find distressing.
Mere days after we started talking about gendered and sexual violence in sport, one of New Zealand’s top sportsmen threatened a rivalwith rape.
UFC fighter Israel Adesanya posted a video to his 4.6 million Instagram followers saying ‘‘Bro, I will f....n rape you,’’ in response to another fighter’s offensive remarks.
The now-deleted post was followed by a tweet from thehalberg award winner saying ‘‘Incoming clickbait Nzmedia in 3, 2, 1…’’ with a popcorn-eating gif. He then targeted an ally in the Stuff teamwho called out this behaviour. Adesanya’s followers and fans piled in.
Deputy primeminister and sports minister Grant Robertson condemned the rape comment too. Major sponsorbmw has dropped him.
The champion fighter tweeted yesterday: ‘‘Lastweekend fight talk escalated to a point in which I crossed the line. I understand the gravity of thisword and how it can affect and hurt other people apart from my opponent, although that was nevermy intention. I amstill to growing under the spotlight, and I take this is as a lesson to be more selective with words under pressure.’’
But it seems this is all just a bit of fun, a bit of alpha-male bluster, a bit of ‘‘locker room talk’’. Where is the word ‘‘sorry’’?
Dear Israel and the UFC, do you know what is not fun?
Rape. Being threatenedwith rape. Any form of sexual violence – physical or verbal – regardless of your biological sex, gender, sexual orientation, race, religion or socio-economic standing.
Here are some not-so-fun facts about sexual assault. More than a quarter of New Zealand women have been sexually assaulted.
About one in six New Zealand men have experienced sexual abuse too. Those in our LGBTQI+ community are more than twice as likely to face sexual violence than their heterosexual counterparts.
About 94 per cent of sexual violence goes unreported. Why? Well, Israel, it’s not so fun having to recount your assault in the mostminute of details to the police. It’s not so fun having medical staff swab someone else’s Dnaoff you.
It’s not so fun having to wait hours before you can start washing away what has happened. It’s not so fun having to wait months, or even years, to find out if the courts believed you.
It’s not so fun.
Israel, you are a champion, which makes us champions too. But you’ve also threatened rape, so what does that make us?
Israel, the physical scars of a sexual assaultmay fade, but the psychological scars last a lifetime. It never really goes away, but it’s something you learn to live with. A sexual assault changes you. It shapes you. Sometimes you don’t think about it at all. Other times the scars reemerge, particularly when someone in the spotlight – like you – threatens rape.
Israel, I like you. You are an incredible athlete. You’ve done a lot of good. You’ve been a vocal advocate for Black Lives Matter, and you donated PPE during the pandemic. You’ve built a loyal following of fans who listen when you speak.
I liked it when you said at the 2019 Halberg Awards: ‘‘Understand this, if you see one of us shining – whether it be the netball team, the Black Caps, the sailors – pump them up, embrace them, because if theywin, wewin. If I win, you win.’’
Yes, Israel, you are a champion, which makes us champions too. But you’ve also threatened rape, so what does that make us?
Now’s your chance, and a chance for the UFC, to fight the good fight and be champions against sexual violence in sport.
Firstly, listen. Really listen. Listen to the stories of thosewho are willing to share what it’s like to be a survivor of sexual assault. I know this can be tough.
Secondly, apologise. From the heart. Sorry can be the hardest word. It can be tough being vulnerable. That is physically beaten out of you in the ring, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be vulnerable outside it.
Vulnerability is the sign of a true leader, a role model and a champion.
Thirdly, donate a portion of your takings. Even better, donate your entire takings from your next fight and encourage others around you to do the same. Women’s Refugewould be a good start, or one of the several excellent networks that support male survivors.
Finally, take action. Be a vocal ally for survivors, stop using sexually violent language in your ‘‘fight talk’’ and condemn sexual violence – in any form – in your sport.
Your voice matters, but your actions matter more.
Israel, now’s your chance to be the champion you are and help us win the fight against sexual violence in sport. It’s not too late.