Too young for TikTok?

Q: My 10-year-old wants to go on TikTok like her friends and make videos. She loves to dance.

Her two older sisters are on their phones all the time and my daughter wants to copy them. She’s wearing me down.

Her teacher has an account and some of her peers follow the teacher. She thinks she’s being left out. But 10? It seems too young.

A: TikTok is a social media app that’s mainly geared to users under 24 years of age. It’s very big, it generally has a good vibe and the skits/dance moves/data are only 15 seconds long, or less.

It’s not bad per se, but it has been described as Instagram on steroids. With some of your daughter’s friends already using TikTok, and her older sisters on their phones all the time, I don’t underestimate the pressure you’re under from Miss 10.

But this is your decision and once you’ve said yes, you’ll have unleashed a beast that’s probably in both of your lives for a long time. It’s a beast that’s hard to keep tame and under control.

As with most things, you’re aiming for moderation. Some parents refuse to let their children use phones, have any social media at all in their lives and no access to music videos etc. But I think such an extreme decision might drive those children underground. They’ll use the apps at school or perhaps feel left out of their peer groups.

Social media is a way of life now so it’s probably better your daughter learns to navigate this world for herself, be discerning and make decisions to discard it eventually if she wants to.

The recommended age for TikTok by Common Sense Media, is 16+ but TikTok requires users to be at least 13+ and anyone under the age of 18 must have the approval of a parent or guardian.

If you decide to let your daughter have a TikTok account then it’s best to put the app on your phone. That way you can monitor who she responds to. Set the app to private so any follow requests have to be accepted by you and also read through the messages to check what she’s watching.

As I said, the decision is yours, but since you’ve asked, I’d say 10 is too young.

Ten is a wonderful age to be with your child – while she still likes being with you. Maybe read with her but choose your books carefully so she can enter imaginative worlds where she’s not thinking about approval or likes.

Do stuff with her, and be with her. If you decide to delay her foray into social media perhaps use the time to chat about the impact it has on people’s lives and how she can keep herself safe.

Mary-anne Scott has raised four boys and written three novels for young adults, all of which have been shortlisted for the NZ Book Awards for children and young adults. As one of seven sisters, there aren’t many parenting problems she hasn’t talked over. Please note that Mary-anne is not a trained counsellor. Her advice is not intended to replace that of professional counsellor or psychologist.

To send Mary-anne a question email life.style@stuff.co.nz with Dear Mary-anne in the subject line. Your anonymity is assured.