Trying to impress? Just say it with flowers
In the happy new world of human relations that’s bound to follow the current Weinstein era, we mustn’t lose sight of what is truly important. We must cling to the art of flirtation. It puts the sordid into perspective, and without it the world would be a charmless place.
The trouble with people like Harvey Weinstein is that they don’t understand nuance. This is what we admire Frenchmen and Italians for, at least in our imaginations. You can’t imagine a French film producer with a beret on one side of his head, clutching a Gauloise, flapping a kimono with chubby little arms and peremptorily demanding a sex act. He would at least offer a chocolate, and I suspect he’d check the mirror first.
He also, let me be absolutely clear about this, would not collapse into tears and say you reject him because he is fat. Zoe Brock reports this is what Weinstein said to her, and it’s such a sad image it makes you want to laugh.
The advantage of flirtation is that it has the elements of seduction without getting down to detail. It is nuanced because it has no intention of delivering any invasive or unwelcome developments. It leaves both parties feeling more attractive, rather than one of them feeling sick and rather sorry.
The current run of expose´s of men in power has been a gift to feminists in one sense, in that this is behaviour they have always complained about, but which men have insisted was a grotesque caricature. Perhaps disgruntled at constantly having their grievances dismissed, some women have resorted to protesting at mere good manners and simple acts of chivalry, like the opening of doors, or offers to pay for dinner.
A pointer for the bewildered: buying a woman dinner is not buying her services for the night. That is an arrangement you can make with professionals without bothering to eat first.
I have more helpful advice. Women travelling alone do not welcome knocks at their motel door on the off-chance they don’t have a good book to read. Both Weinstein and Britain’s Chris Pincher, a government whip, have favoured the bathrobe as a comeon. Literally nobody looks attractive in a motel bathrobe. Even James Bond looks like a prat.
A particular failing of New Zealand men is making offensive comments about a woman’s appearance in order to get her attention, imagining that this will end in joyous submission. It’s the behaviour of small boys in playgrounds who chase you to pull your plaits, and yet it’s a tactic that some so-called seducers recommend on the basis that women who feel insecure will do anything for approval.
Further, it is always a mistake to jump on sleeping friends and have your way without their permission. This, if you think about it, is why many friendships end on frosty terms. On the other hand how grateful women are for the male friends who never try it on.
Think of flowers and their potential usefulness in promoting the idea that you are a nice guy. That’s a much better idea than, say, having quick encounters in airport toilets, which suggests poor standards of hygiene, and may even interfere with future sporting events.
Kenneth Branagh’s account this week of accidentally seeing Judi Dench naked from the waist down in her dressing room, shows how situations that can be interpreted as come-ons, are in fact guileless and be recognised as such.
Perhaps Weinstein’s most offensive behaviour was his boast to new women in his sights that other women, whom he named, had willingly submitted to his advances. We have good reason to
A particular failing of New Zealand men is making offensive comments about a woman’s appearance in order to get her attention, imagining that this will end in joyous submission.
believe he’s a liar, since a conga line of women have recounted with distaste how he behaved towards them.
But there was something especially insidious about the way he undermined all of them by suggesting that women, no matter how beautiful and talented, welcome the advances of elderly men who don’t bother to shave. It’s a delusion that seems to be shared by many men who think their wealth and public position automatically make them attractive.
In all of this, how relatively innocent seems the knee groping of Damian Green, First Secretary of State of Great Britain, another mighty oak that looks set to fall. Sadly, he is also accused of having harboured vile porn.