I’m ready to serve, ma’am

Normally how to deal with the runoff from the bigger car park at the airport would not concern me too much. But it does. Not so much about water but the idea of more flights and more passengers which seems unquestioned.

In another article in The Marlborough Express we see we are heading for a much warmer world and big changes due to carbon emissions.

It beats me that we actively plan for growth in an industry so harmful for life on Earth when good science and the future of the Earth says we must not grow it.

Where is the wisdom? Where is the long view? Where are the voices who posit a low carbon, less rapacious way of life and plan for it now?

I say let’s live within our means and more kindly to our Marlborough and the good people we are, rather than continue to rush headlong and needlessly into an unravelling of life as we know it – which promises to be grim indeed.

Lodge in Windsor, Berkshire. No longer able to perform public duties, there he will see out the rest of his days, practising his hazardous swing in private.

I bring to the senior job all the skills and experience required. First and foremost, I proffer a firm handshake necessary for meet & greet, and the strong wrist action necessary to keep a royal wave going through the long hours of exposure travelling in royal carriages. o make the transition from senior commoner to senior royal a smooth one, I offer to bring to the party my own peeps, a team of professionals with vast experience in the deets of dealing with tax-haven tycoons.

At the beginning of my working life, I enjoyed employment as the agony aunt columnist Dawn Dusk, where I demonstrated strong communication skills. The experience qualifies me to offer sage advice to my fellow royals, both senior and junior, in the tricky days ahead as The Firm struggles to appear relevant and fit for purpose as we go forward into a new decade.

Because of my advanced age, I realise that it would be impossible to operate as a senior royal without access to the public purse, particularly in regard to my security needs.

Therefore, I would like to reassure The Firm that my financial remuneration requirements would be quite straightforward. Unlike the Sussexes, I will not be looking to make my own money in the world. With the minimum amount of fiscal fuss, I would be only too happy to access monies from the Duchy of Cornwall estate, and to receive the full sovereign grant.

If I was the successful applicant for this position, I would therefore require that, in order to demonstrate my excellent customer service skills to the British public, I would insist Harry and Meghan immediately remove themselves from their Frogmore Cottage home.

The public, having contributed over two million quid to the renovation of this property, have every right to expect that only a full-blown senior royal, rather than a brace of vacillating ‘‘hybrid’’ royals, should be domiciled there.

T