What is it we don’t like about capable women?

that, many critics have argued, is why America wasn’t ready to vote for her.

I was settling into a soliloquy to a friend about how nonsensical this all was when they stopped me mid-rant, ‘‘But Verity, you hate (insert the name of a very accomplished, successful, smart and hardworking woman we both vaguely know). Even when you agree with everything she says . . .’’

That shut me up. She’s right. I’ve been grumpy with this woman, with whom, by all accounts, I agree on most stuff, for ages. She irrationally irritates the hell out of me, and when asked, I can’t think of a single logical reason . . . just like Meghan’s detractors.

But when you get into it, you start to see a pattern. Elizabeth Warren, Meghan Markle and this chick are all incredibly successful – and they’re also very unapologetic about it.

Warren, a renowned academic and lawyer, bowled into politics determined to fix every aspect of American life. Meghan was royally uncompromising about leaving The Firm because it’s an obvious threat to any modern woman’s happiness and independence.

And they don’t apologise for being so determined. They don’t self-deprecate, don’t pretend to be endearingly hot messes, or go out of their way Jacindastyle to show us how relatable they are. They do nothing to soften the glare of their full abilities.

My chick is the same. These women are all unwilling to sugar-coat their own brilliance. Probably because they don’t see it as their job to do that, just to make us feel less bad about our sad-sack selves. Hence why we sniff they’re unlikeable; their unvarnished competence makes us insecure about our own.

We can handle women who have it together as long as they’re nice about it. Look at Jacinda. But if you’re unbothered about making your brilliance less confronting, then you get a kicking. I tested out this theory on my most successful, has-her-act-together friend, who’s extraordinarily talented and (being Scandinavian) matter of fact about it. ‘‘Yeah,’’ she agreed immediately, ‘‘I have my shit together and people can’t handle it.’’

Ultimately, it’s because women are still held responsible for how we make others feel, whereas men are allowed to intimidate the hell out of us and we call that sexy. So we still expect powerful women to pussyfoot around our insecurities, everywhere from boardrooms to bedrooms. Which is sad really, because if we just sat down, shut up and let them run their show, we’d probably have a much better, efficient and successful world.