Empty shoes reflect huge loss
Pete de Jong’s voice trembled as he spoke about his 20-year-old son Hayden, who he lost three years ago.
Standing in front of Nelson’s Church Steps, de Jong was surrounded by 606 pairs of empty shoes, symbolising the people who took their own lives in 2016-17.
The shoes were placed from the top of the steps to the bottom, and on the paved area below.
De Jong shared a small piece of Hayden’s life with the crowd that had gathered.
He said Hayden had been dealing with mental health problems and had been on and off anti-depressants. De Jong said before Hayden died, he seemed to be doing a lot better and wanted to get back into studying at university.
‘‘The next day he was missing and he had taken his life,’’ he said, speaking through the tears. ‘‘It hurts, it’s like losing a leg.’’
De Jong emphasised the importance of talking to children and adults about their feelings, especially men. ‘‘They don’t talk. We had no idea Hayden was suicidal.’’
The gathering was part of the Shoe Project, a Yes We Care campaign by the Public Service Association.
Co-ordinator Simon Oosterman said the shoes provided a visual reminder of the toll suicide had on communities.
Organisers were campaigning for the Government to have a suicide prevention target and an independent inquiry into the country’s mental health crisis.
A recent report by Unicef shows New Zealand has by far the highest youth suicide rate in the developed world.
Other figures released by Chief Coroner Judge Deborah Marshall showed 606 Kiwis took their own life in the 2016-17 year, up from 579 the previous year and 564 the year before that. Men and Maori feature well above the national average. More than 70 per cent of the 606 suicides were men.
Oosterman said he had lost many friends to suicide. He had hoped one would have been on the national tour ‘‘but not as a pair of shoes,’’ he said, his voice breaking.
Oosterman said it was ‘‘a national shame’’ to have the highest suicide rate in the developed world.
He said mental health service workers never wanted people to fall through the cracks, however he had heard staff saying ‘‘I’m so busy, I don’t have time for compassion’’.
Among those who shared their story at the Church Steps, was a 20 year old Nelson woman, who broke down in tears as she talked about her recent suicide attempt. ‘‘We need more provisions. We need more help,’’ she said. ‘‘I can tell you it gets better. I’m so glad I’m here.’’
Nelson woman Diana Hall spoke about her husband Jake who died in 2014. He left behind three children and three grandchildren. ‘‘It destroys your family, none of us will be the same,’’ she said.
Hall said Jake, 43, was ‘‘a typical Kiwi bloke’’ and he had been let down by the mental health system when he asked for help. Mental health services were underfunded and needed to be more accessible.
There will be a Hope Walk for suicide awareness in Takaka on September 17 at 1.30pm from the Junction Green. 0800 543 354 (available 24/7) 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7) 0800 376 633 Levin) (06) 3555 906 (Palmerston North and 0800 543 754 (available 24/7) 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm) 0800 111 757 (available 24/7) 0800 726 666 (available 24/7) If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.