Twinkle toes and travel woes

With me shillelagh under me arm, and a twinkle in me eye, I’ll be off to Tipperary in the morning. Ah! If only it were so simple! I amoff to Ireland this week but the planning and preparation has involved rather more grit in the eye than twinkling. This is the kind of thing that dulls the twinkle. 1. TED TALK You can’t travel these days without TED, or the Tedious Evaluation of Digital Devices.

In the Olden Days, you had tickets, a paperback novel and a Lonely Planet guide and you carried them in a backpack.

Occasionally you’d post an aerogramme to the folks. Now fetching patchwork of Elastoplast – was to exchange my shoes each morning at a Goodwill store, on the theory that different shoes would at least rub in different places.

3. INTIMATIONS OF MORTALITY

Buying travel insurance reminds you that you are nothing but a fragile bundle of pre-existing conditions and that when you are travelling, disaster is only a flimsy premium away. In effect you are betting the insurance company that you will die on holiday, or suffer a life-threatening illness or accident. It’s a bet you don’t want to win, but since you’re flying Malaysian Airlines the odds are uncomfortably in your favour. While you are entertaining such morbid thoughts, oddly pertinent facts come to your attention. For example, you discover that a plane’s flight recorder is called a Black Box, but it’s actually an Orange Box. Unlike humans, the Crash-Survivable Memory Unit can withstand enormous temperatures and pressure. And it’s nice and easy to find amongst the wreckage because of its cheerful orange colour.

Preparing for the best trip is often the worst thing.