No. They are all riddled with irrelevance

You can tell a civilised society by the way they celebrate their achievers. Yes, for those who seek the warm glow of the inner sanctum, nothing says success better than a black-tie function. Be they judge, grandee or actual doer of deeds, awards season is one to savour.

Whether you win them or not, awards confer a certain status upon all involved. They separate them from the mockers and sneerers and the mediocre. Or so the mythology goes. For others, awards represent nothing of the sort. Oscars, Grammys, Ballon d’Ors, Halbergs; they’re all as irrelevant as each other and riddled with the same vested interests, inconsistencies and smugness.

They all boil down to a few folk – well-credentialled or otherwise – trying to compare things with little or no similarity and deciding which was best. Getting a classroom of kids to tell you their favourite takeaway would be as worthwhile.

The astounding thing is that anyone cares, or gives any currency to, who wins best picture or is the alleged player of the year.

The whole group-think aspect seems out of step with modern society, for starters.

What are Twitter, Facebook and Instagram et al if not attempts by people to demonstrate their uniqueness?

I’m interesting, I’ve been to this place, I make less typos than you. Whatever it is, posters let us know all about it in an attempt to assert their individuality.

And yet there remain awards nights, with everyone trussed up in their best bib and tucker, applauding or laughing at the approved time, nodding in unison when the speaker strikes a more serious note. Just like-minded people luxuriating in their mutual success.

It’s odd that they survive, let alone flourish. In fact there’s barely an industry that doesn’t seek to celebrate its great and good in some fashion these days. Lord only knows why.

In New Zealand sport, two of the more prominent are nearly upon us. New Zealand Rugby kicked things off last night, before the Halberg Trust convene for their big occasion in February.

In terms of the rugby, what makes one volunteer’s contribution more worthy than another’s? Which of the judges can confidently say they plumped for the best Heartland player of 2017? Just because the fans vote for a favourite try, does that actually make it the best?

Beyond the nominees, and their families and support network, who even cares?

At the Halbergs what makes rowing or sailing success more significant than that achieved in, say, shearing or woodchopping? This might have been an amazing year in woodchopping circles, with unprecedented worldwide depth and championships that were decided by the finest of margins.

We’ll never know because awards are all about name recognition, profile, snob appeal and personality in the end.

Much easier to cast a vote in favour of someone you know and like, than some speed skater, croquet player or mixed martial artist you’ve never heard of.

Never mind achievement. Nothing celebrates the status quo quite like an awards night.