Judy, we need you to bail us out
Their frustration knows no bounds. The young are thinking about putting down their phones. The old may consider changing the channel. Even the safety of the most treasured of gadgets, the TV remote, may be in danger. There’s only one person able to deal with this Commonwealth Games catastrophe. A batman sign in the sky won’t help us. Instead, shine the brunette-bob. Judy Bailey, save our sport!
I have been concerned a former TV colleague and still dear friend had incited a riot. She vented on social media about Joelle King’s gold medal squash match being relegated to TVNZ’s website while other less important Games events were given the prime place on TV. Tip for broadcasters; never stand between a Kiwi fan and their unbridled joy of seeing their athletes win a medal.
My phone vibrated as a wave of seething social media comments supported her view. It wasn’t the first time strange Games scheduling decisions had been made. Add that to the too-manyads fury and TVNZ was looking as popular as Taika Waititi at a Don Brash appreciation party. King was not receiving the respect and attention she deserved.
But when my dear friend said TVNZ could be saved only by bringing in someone who knew how to schedule sport. I disagreed.
There is only one person who can save the channel’s image. It’s not best-friend-of-the-nation Toni Street and it’s not sister-in-law of the nation Hilary Barry. Only a mumcan sort out this mess. It’s time for the return of mother-ofthe-nation Judy Bailey.
In these troubled, dark times the masses need the velvet tones of she who read the news. Bailey must appear on the balcony at TVNZ in Auckland. I would suggest she goes on the telly but I’m not sure they’ll be able to schedule her in.
There’s a good chance TVNZ will be able to rent a supportive crowd. Long-time Warriors fans reckon there’s few thousand extras who’ve appeared from nowhere and will happily turn up if they think they’ll win. They might even be joined by netball fans who would be happy to not be able to find their sport on the box right now, such is their angst.
Right now, sports fans are bewildered. They’re also dealing with another all pervasive dark presence on the screen called advertisements. The channel has cut them back after sustained moaning that any older white male would be proud of but the remote cannot save them when the sport is live. I’ve heard SKY bosses have had to be hospitalised from laughing too much.
Here’s hoping TVNZ doesn’t just have a lot of worried meetings and is actually able to ensure what happened to King doesn’t happen to any other athlete. I understand their confusion at the time. New Zealand thought squash retired along with Susan Devoy and suddenly, without warning a person wearing the fern appears in the final and starts winning?! How are they supposed to know we are good at low profile sports, when we never see these people on screen.
It’s a sad day for free-to-air. It needs the commercials to afford the rights. It’s also a wonderful opportunity for the many who can’t afford to pay to watch our best take on the world. Kids are inspired by what they see. I was never going to play a sport like squash with tiny skirts that showed your undies, but as a kid I remember being amazed that Susan Devoy, a Kiwi, could kick world-class arse.
Wouldn’t it be amazing if some of the young talent we have could move into athletics, squash or weightlifting instead of rugby? Kids believe what they can see.
Speaking of which, would someone please signal Judy? Even if those golden vocables cannot calm the fury of the masses, it would be lovely to see a woman over 50 on telly.
EmmaKeeling is a former television journalist.