How dentists make your life savings flash before your eyes
disabled, it’s not like you can quibble.
My head was spinning as he whipped through a clean to throw the first instalment into his coffers.
I made another appointment on the way out. Safely back home, after a quick costing of dental holidays in Thailand – dirt cheap, with pool-equipped hotel thrown in, and clubbing amongst the paedophiles is not compulsory – I rang and cancelled all further treatment.
Thailand didn’t happen. A return to the South (Sanity) Island did.
My new dentist is from Botswana. She x-rayed, declared the amalgam stable and said that since the broken tooth was giving me no pain, she’d leave it be. One decayed filling needed attention.
That might be a month away, I explained, because I was about to fly back to the Bloatopolis for some house- and dog-sitting. ‘‘I’ve got a free space now,’’ she replied. ‘‘Let’s do it.’’ I was out of there in 20 minutes, one more skirmish in the war ticked off, and happy to accept a followup with the hygienist on my return.
She too was delightful – in a nonhormonal way (they’ve long subsided). With pick in hand, she scraped away the ‘‘barnacle-like’’ corrugations that attract plaque. While not thrilled to picture barnacles on my chompers, they did save the life of yachting legend Adrian Hayter (ex-Golden Bay) when he scavenged the growth on his hull after running out of food during one of those herculean solo voyages best enjoyed second-hand in a La-z-boy. De-loused, I’m good for another year.
Dentistry used to be the poor cousin of medicine, but doctors are aghast at what dentists charge now. The ratbags amongst them are also recommending unnecessary, profitable treatment. You don’t strike such nonsense from your GP.
That chair renders you helpless and humiliated in one hit. I guess it’s the closest we blokes get to how women must feel at the gynaecologist – except at the other end, obviously.
And have you ever tried shopping around with dental fees? You’ll hit a brick wall. The profession is so cartel it makes oil companies look like libertines.
Thankfully, I’ve met some dentists who are a credit to the trade, if not humanity in general. Jeanette from Nelson, take a bow.
Update: My windfall ‘‘bumping’’ from a ChristchurchAuckland flight had its flip side on the return leg. I missed the plane, courtesy of a motorway jam. That’s no excuse in Auckland, where you routinely allow double the time for crosstown trips.
The airline charged a $100 rebooking fee, and the next flight left a tight dash to my bus in central Christchurch. I grabbed a taxi – and was charged $57 for the 12km.
The bus then conspired to be 40 minutes late. The company has a text warning system – which activated 30 minutes after the scheduled departure. Shouldn’t have got out of bed. On the plane, a couple from Invercargill told me of ordering a taxi in Auckland to the airport. They were quoted $60. When the driver arrived, he said, ‘‘No, that’s a mistake. It’ll be $85-90’’ – figuring they had no leeway to refuse.
Southern Wonderwoman fired up her Uber app and a ride appeared in five minutes. Cost: $55.
Maybe Auckland needs a dentistry equivalent of Uber. Bung a chair and a drill in the back of a van and tour the suburbs waiting for a call.
Meanwhile, my windfall voucher for free flights is wiped out. Ah well, easy come, easy go. Excuse me – I’m popping over to the corner there for a cry.