Kids in cafes – it’s not all warm fluffies for put-upon parents
atmosphere – good for you. And on that note, I thought I’d offer a couple of polite pointers, because you’re close, but quite honestly, you’re not there yet.
Firstly, the toys. I see that you’ve provided monster trucks and little shopping trolleys for my children’s entertainment. The kids love them. But do you know who doesn’t? All the other patrons, and also me, as their wrangler and diplomat. Nor does your barista, who seems a little grim about delivering hot beverages while contending with the rapidly orbiting children.
How about something that keeps them in one spot, like a bloody great box of Duplo, or a chalkboard? Give them a couple of old computer keyboards to thump away at. Maybe bring out some colouring things for them as soon as we sit down, so that I can take the time to actually study the menu that you have painstakingly crafted. Bonus points if you make a fuss over the kids’ pictures later and display them in a public space. I’ll forgive you anything if you are kind to my children.
My second point leads on from the first. Have you thought about giving the kids a decent-sized area to play in? Fence it off if possible. People without children want kids contained. People with children want this, too. It’s a much more relaxing experience for everyone, including the kids.
At the very least, offer a big rug or something to mark it as their special zone. I know this takes up room where you could sneak in another table, but to be honest, cafes without a dedicated play space for kids won’t be getting much of my business for another five years at least, as it just means dropping a bunch of money on increasing my own blood pressure.
OK, let’s talk about the food. You have a kids’ menu – great job. But must the food be so very beige?
Yes, my kids love fries, more than almost anything on this earth. However, if you put together an imaginative platter with sticks or spirals of fruit and veges, cheese, crackers, hummus, and a couple of dainty Vegemite sandwiches, they’d be delighted. Present it on a tiered platter like a mini-high tea and watch them lose their minds.
An important subset to the issue of food is that of the fluffy. To be fair, parental views may vary, but in my mind a good fluffy is a satisfying little number in a cute cup, with a sprinkling of chocolate dust and a sole marshmallow.
Your enormous all-singing, alldancing, chocolate sauce-soaked extravaganzas with their heaping of fluorescent sprinkles and accompanying fistful of marshmallows . . . that’s more sugar than my kid needs in a week. And if you do take my advice and revert to a more petite offering, please, please think about charging less than the $2 that you currently do – it’s just the milk dregs from my flat white, after all.
I understand that you’ve still got to spend a minute making it, and that those tiny dishes (and sometimes the table, and chair, and occasionally floor) have to be cleaned afterwards, but if you offered a free fluffy with every adult hot drink, you’d be the beloved go-to destination for your parent patrons.
From there, let’s segue briefly on to the issue of your highchair. I like your sleek Scandinavian choice – very current, very easy to clean. Just one thing, though – why did you remove its straps? The only Motueka bakery to have a highchair with straps was my sole flat white destination for many months.
Without restraints, my child would stand and teeter precariously while I spilled coffee over myself trying to catch him. There is a certain age of child that is well served by those straps. Get that parent’s business.
One final point: your bathroom. It would put my mind at ease if I could glance up and see a sign above your change table reassuring me that you sanitise it daily, so that I don’t feel compelled to fashion a little paper towel bed for my child while holding him securely under my arm so that he doesn’t play with your toilet brush. If you are providing an unwashable clothcovered change mat, reconsider your life choices.
Also, until a stool materialises in your bathroom, my kid will need to continue standing on your rubbish bin to wash his hands. Just saying.
Thank you for your consideration. Kind regards, Elise and family P.S. We’ll see you on Monday for our usual.