Nine years waiting to be heard

Nigel* is 13 years old and has been in and out of the Family Court for nine years. He told Stu Hunt he’s still fighting to be heard.

It hasn’t been great.’’ That’s how 13-year-old Nigel sums up having spent the past nine years in and out of the Family Court.

Nigel’s parents split when he was four and they have been locked in battle over custody ever since. Their case is classified as high conflict.

He is quietly spoken but Nigel chooses his words very carefully.

‘‘It hasn’t been easy because I haven’t been listened to. I would like to be heard and listened to by someone who won’t twist what I say and be able to make a change for me or at least help.

‘‘Anything I have said has been twisted or refused. They’re not taking into account my feelings’’

Nigel even took the step of writing a letter to the judge because he wanted a change of lawyer for the child. He’s had the same person since he was four.

He said he felt they were making light of the things that were going on for him.

But Nigel was told he had no right to dictate who the lawyer for child was. He was told that they could not change lawyers because there was too much history.

It wasn’t until they were in court that the lawyer for child told the judge there was a letter.

Nigel asked to speak to the judge but again he was told it was not an option.

‘‘She didn’t really give me a chance to ask why it wasn’t an option, she just brushed me off.’’

Nigel’s mother Sally echoes his frustrations.

‘‘My opinion was that Nigel needed to be in the mix. He has had to be mature because of what’s happened. Now that he’s older he can speak for himself.

‘‘It’s ridiculous how people don’t listen to the children in the middle of it.’’

At the moment Nigel is in his mother’s care. An interim order was negotiated in a roundtable discussion and his father has care when he is available.

Sally says she is seeking nonshared care but if no agreement can be reached the matter goes back before the court.

‘‘From Nigel’s perspective and mine the courts are still not happy that it is the not ‘one size fits all’ order of week about shared care and both the father and all other parties including my own lawyer are pushing for weekend about permanently because that is the expected ‘norm’ we have been told.

‘‘From Nigel’s perspective he does not ever want to go back into these living arrangements again and has said so. If I stand my ground and say no when it comes up to review, we are likely to be facing back to court and a hearing (aka more conflict),’’ she says.

Nigel’s feelings will be sounded out by the lawyer for child but he’s not confident even then that he will be listened to.

He says he’s never not wanted to see his father but is tired of being farmed out. With dad working nights a lot of the time he’s left alone, a situation he’s not happy with.

‘‘Its not fun, it’s quite scary.’’ He feels unsafe and isolated but this does not seem to have been taken on board. In fact he says he’s been made to feel like a liar.

‘‘What I’ve said over the years has never changed. They say what I have to say is influenced by my mother which is totally ridiculous.

‘‘I want to spend time with dad just under a different arrangement.’’

Nigel says it’s affecting his school life and he’s has all but abandoned sport and extra-curricular activities because it has become too hard.

He says the whole process has dented his confidence and left him feeling incredibly frustrated. He has had to change schools three times. One of those changes was directed by the court from a school and a sports club that he was already settled at and enjoying.

Nigel says he has also been subjected to abusive behaviour in his father’s home and has told the lawyer for child and psychologist on several occasions throughout the nine years.

He says this information was dismissed, minimised or he was told ‘‘they never happened’’.

In nine years he says he doesn’t feel like he’s ever had a personal conversation with the lawyer for child.

Sally worries about the impact on Nigel especially now who is going through puberty, a difficult enough time without the added pressure.

When asked what he would like to see changed, Nigel sums it up pretty simply.

‘‘I just want someone to listen.’’