Special time with oldies Debra’s advice to elderly travellers
Debra Nell got more than she bargained for on a trip to the UK with her elderly dad and his siblings, writes Lorna Thornber.
When 83-year-old Mac Nell finally got a decent break in his chemotherapy treatment, his daughter Debra decided the time had come to take him on a much-longed-for trip to the United Kingdom.
Mac’s grandfather was from Louth, a small market town in the English county of Lincolnshire, and Mac and his three siblings – sisters aged 81 and 89, and a 90-year-old brother – had been doing a lot of research into their family’s history.
The siblings had visited Louth about three years earlier but felt a return journey was in order if they were to make further breakthroughs in their research.
With their health declining, however, they wondered whether it would be possible.
Fortunately for them, Debra, 41, was more than happy to use her annual leave to act as their ‘‘chaperone’’ on a two-week trip that would also take in stopovers in Bali and Dubai.
‘‘It was probably the only time dad had had a whole month’s break from the treatment so we decided to make the most of it,’’ Debra, who lives in Auckland, says.
The five chose to fly with Emirates as the airline stops in Dubai, and Debra and Mac – who had both lived in the emirate – were keen to show off their favourite haunts.
When they discovered the airline had recently started flying to Bali, they decided to include a stopover there too as none of them had been and wanderlust appears to be a family trait. Debra describes their trek as ‘‘quite a journey’’. While Mac, who has multiple myeloma, a cancer of the white blood cells in the bone marrow, and his brother Alick are fit and energetic for their ages, their sisters Patsy and Francie are less mobile, requiring wheelchairs.
They would treat the Bali stopover, they decided, as a chance to chill out and save their energy rather than sightsee.
Still, they made it to the local market and beach, where they enjoyed beers on multi-coloured bean bags with fellow travellers, old and young.
The calm didn’t last long for Debra on the return journey though: she flew into a mad panic after losing the fab four at Denpasar Airport right before boarding.
‘‘I left them for 10 minutes and when I went back they were nowhere to be seen. I searched the entire terminal in a mad rush… I worried that one of them had taken ill and they were back of house somewhere being seen to.’’
As it turned out, airline ‘‘wheelchair pushers’’ had taken the siblings to the aircraft via staff-only back routes, meaning Debra ‘‘had no chance of finding them’’.
In Dubai, they hired a car so were able to do much more sightseeing – enough, it seems, to tire even far younger travellers.
They visited Burj Khalifa, the world’s tallest building, the artificial Palm Islands and Dubai Mall, and took an abra (traditional boat) across the creek to the old town.
In the UK, the plan was to drive straight from London to Louth, where they would spend five nights before driving to Southampton, where Debra’s late mother grew up.
Debra enjoyed the experience of being chaperone, appreciating that she was in a ‘‘special position’’, but admits that it was ‘‘challenging at times’’.
‘‘There were many occasions when things didn’t go as planned, such as hotels with double beds instead of twins and when our airport shuttle didn’t arrive in Dubai … But mostly I could do something to sort it out so there was no need to worry.’’
Debra viewed the trip as a chance to spend time with ‘‘four inspirational family members’’ and do something important for them rather than to explore or pursue her own interests. ‘‘I’m not as interested in the boring family history stuff. The trip was not for me. But I was kept occupied by being the chauffeur and making sure things ran smoothly… ’’ The siblings get along well but have very different personalities, and while the brothers were often eager ‘‘to get up and explore’’, their sisters preferred to trot along at a more leisurely place. But there were no major disagreements.
‘‘We’re all still talking to each other,’’ Debra says.
They split up at times to indulge their own interests, but spent every meal together, as well as ample time reminiscing.
The siblings have spent long stretches of time apart – Mac lives in Auckland, Alick and Patsy in Tauranga, and Francie in Twizel – so they were
grateful to be able to relive their shared childhoods and youths, and reflect on why they and their ancestors had made the decisions they did.
In Louth, the siblings chatted to distant relatives, historians and shopkeepers, in an effort to discover more about their father’s side of the family. They’re still unsure why their grandfather immigrated to New Zealand at 21, but feel the trip provided a few more pieces for the puzzle.
Debra found Louth, with its typically English brick and stone buildings lining narrow lanes ‘‘old but pretty’’, as well as ‘‘safe and friendly’’.
Her favourite parts of the trip were their days in Southampton where they visited her mother’s family and friends.
‘‘We spent many hours sitting in the backyard at my cousin’s place, soaking up the sunshine and enjoying the rare English heatwave and, the next day at my mum’s cousin’s house, doing the same with lots of family members visiting.’’
Another highlight was visiting the River Hamble, where Mac had been living on a yacht with his mates when he met Debra’s mum.
‘‘Mum was a local girl and must have hung out at the yacht club hoping to meet a sailor. She probably didn’t count on meeting one who had sailed there from New Zealand,’’ Debra says.
Aside from the incident at the Bali airport, the only other time Debra felt things were getting out of hand was when they had to take one of her aunties to the A&E with a suspected blood clot.
‘‘They carried out a blood test and ultrasound very quickly and decided she was fine and discharged her,’’ Debra says, noting that, because of a reciprocal agreement between the UK and New Zealand, they didn’t have to pay for the visit.
Debra was so exhausted when they got back she felt like she needed another holiday, but is grateful for what she thinks may have been ‘‘a once-ina-lifetime’’ opportunity.
‘‘We’re not planning another trip. I’ve said to them ‘‘next time, let’s just rent a bach and relax.’’
Alick and Patsy still have itchy feet though – when we spoke to Debra they were set to head off on a two-week bus tour in the United States.
Debra would advise others considering a similar trip to go for it, saying that obstacles to travelling with older people are relatively small and are worth taking the trouble to overcome.
‘‘The main benefit of the trip was to all spend time together.
‘‘To have a wonderful adventure at the same time was a fantastic bonus … The good times were great. We had a lot of laughs, often at ourselves, and the not-so-good times were just bumps in the road.’’
She’s lucky, she says, that they let her tag along. ❚ Seek advice from your GP before travelling.
❚ Research travel insurance carefully. It can be hard to find the right cover if you have a pre-existing condition, but it’s not impossible.
❚ If you can, bring an able-bodied travel companion.
❚ Take advantage of services offered, such as wheelchairs at airports. ❚ Don’t be afraid to ask if you need help.