When Bad Things Happen to Good Boys.
There are some things in Pete Chapman’s life that are reminders of a time he always wished he could forget.
It’s the small things that trigger the worst memories.
The colour of the seat in a car he would rather not have been in. A pair of black boots. A certain hairstyle.
For the majority of his life they were reminders of memories so traumatic he blocked them out altogether.
Chapman was sexually abused as a child and was unable to speak about what had happened until he was in his 60s.
He is part of a peer group for male survivors of sexual abuse, who collectively have penned their stories in the book, When Bad Things Happen to Good Boys.
The group has enabled Chapman to move on from the experiences in his childhood and about six months ago, he suggested to a fellow member that they write about their experiences.
The process was traumatic but it had bought him relief.
‘‘I ripped mine up probably 10 times and started again.’’
He remembers being home alone one night with his older sister at the age of eight, when he awoke to a family friend bedroom window, asking to be let inside.
‘‘It’s one of the things that really comes back to me and it haunts me quite a bit.’’
He had no idea at the time, but the trips up the Maitai, lying in the sun without clothes on, were all part of the grooming process which would ultimately end up in abuse.
His involvement with the peer group and the chance to write about his experience had lifted a weight off his shoulders.
The group was formed in Nelson after a visit from Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse Trust manager Ken Clearwater in 2013. A national trust was formed in 2015 and there are several other support groups for male survivors around the country.
Phil Ivamy’s story is also documented in the book and he said writing about it was a cathartic experience.
Like the others, it had been decades before he could speak of the abuse and that was a ‘‘waste of a life’’.
The men hope that talking about their experiences will encourage others to do the same.
‘‘We are the lucky ones because we are survivors,’’ Ivamy said.
The book will be launched with sexual violence advocates Ken Clearwater and Louise Nicholas speaking at the launch.
The launch of When Bad Things Happen to Good Boys at Whakatu Marae, Nelson, Tuesday September 25 4pm-7.30pm. Contact admin@maleroom.co.nz or call (03) 548 0403 to RVSP.