Accept us as we are, ordinary
What can I do? The question that arose at the cost of ‘river of blood’ which sank 50 lives in it.
They are the martyrs, not just dead, that is what we believe as Muslims.
They have made their lives eternal.
They will be in the heaven, at the highest level of it. They will be with pious of all and prophets, that is what we believe as Muslims.
They do not need any prayers, instead we might need their help in the hereafter. Their sufferings have ended for forever, that is what we believe as Muslims.
I have just called a friend and she told me of a woman who lost her husband and was very composed.
Although she was demonstrating the highest degree of faith, her loss along with victims’ families was irreparable.
No matter how strong and composed they behave, they will live with this incident the rest of their lives; they will remember this every day, every hour and every minute.
Their whole lives would be shaped by this event, full of hatred and brutality.
They will fear going to any mosque in New Zealand as they have witnessed, felt and
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embodied the event themselves. It has become part of them.
They will breathe with it, see the world through it.
At the cost of this ‘river of blood’ we came to see real Kiwi values, love, compassion, care and much more.
We have been asked by the ordinary New Zealanders both at the individual and organisational levels; ‘What can we do?’
We have been given flowers and hugs. We have been given smiles, and kind gestures.
We appreciate that, we acknowledge it, we love you in return, to the moon and back. WE ARE ALL ONE.
Let’s not make even a hint of a divide by saying ‘they’ and ‘us’.
Let’s come back to the question, what can I do?
Whatever you have done so far has set up a new trend of love and care. You have not failed yourself New Zealand.
From the Prime Minister to the ordinary, from old people to the young kids, from Pakeha to Ma¯ ori to immigrant groups, you are all amazing.
All together we have failed the terrorist’s plans. But the question still stands there, what can I do? All that you have done is way more generous and beyond expectation and we do not want you to put in that burden, all you need to do is just accept us as we are, ordinary.
We do not need sympathies, we do not need extra attention, and we do not want to be in limelight. We do not need platforms to speak, we just need acceptance, a place to be comfortable under our skin, a place where we have feeling of home, a feeling of co-existence not merely existence.
I remember when one of my friends said that her manager opens extra mouth and uses extra body language when talking to her. She had already (mis)understood that my friend did not know English.
I also remember a staff member at Auckland airport, who asked me to become a mediator to communicate with a woman in headscarf. When I asked her why didn’t she ask the woman directly, she said that she was unsure if woman in headscarf could speak English.
I also remember when a police official at the Wellington Police Academy told me that he respected Muslim women so much that he never talked to them.
He assumed that he needed men’s permission to talk to Muslim women.
I was surprised by the police official’s response as I thought they were working closely with communities.
I personally can recall a Massey University staff member staring and scanning my outfit every day from head to toe as if I was an alien.
Another hijabi friend told me that once she was talking about horse riding and other adventures she had on a holiday trip with a group of people and people looked at her as she was talking something weird, impossible.
She replied to them that ‘she covers her head, not brain’.
These are very minor, everyday reflections that I have shared from my research and personal experience. I am deliberately skipping the extreme incidents that my participant have to face in New Zealand. My purpose is to highlight everyday lives of us as being ordinary people.
What we can do is just to challenge our assumptions and preconceived ideas about others, who look different, speak differently, and wear different clothes.
We shall leave our comfort zones and see things with an open mind.
I would strongly say to stop being judgmental, free your mind from all the information gathered through media.
Our brain is not a storage place, rather it shall be an exploring device. If there is something you cannot understand, please just ask.
This is easier than making and feeding already existed presumptions. Please don’t put humans in categories. At the end I would say, it would have been better if that police official had directly asked women whether their religion allowed them to talk to me.
The lady at the airport could have asked the hijabi woman, ‘can you speak English?’ This is way easier.
As humans we tend to think in binaries – black and white, right and wrong, beautiful and ugly.
Tell yourself that there is much more in between these binaries. Accept and tolerate but more importantly, just ask.
* Hina Tabassum Cheema is a PHD student studying Muslim women in New Zealand and lives in Nelson.