From TV to cinematic cringe
For decades, Hollywood has attempted to take beloved small-screen shows and turn them into blockbusting movies. But while there have been successful adaptations like The Fugitive, The Naked Gun, Mission: Impossible and The Untouchables, plenty have left fans disappointed and angry.
With the big-screen version of Downton Abbey now on and Dora the Explorer about to hit cinemas, Stuff looks back at 10 of the worst examples of the genre.
The Avengers
Oh dear, oh dear. Those who said a reinvention of the cult 1960s spy show was a mistake were horribly right. Others who expressed disquiet over Benny & Joon director Jeremiah Chechik being given the job or American Uma Thurman playing Emma Peel had every right to say ‘‘I told you so’’. Savaged by preview audiences, this 1998 train wreck of a movie was slashed from 150 to 90 minutes, with totally incoherent results. Chechik didn’t work for six years and this, coupled with The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, led to the hastening of Sean Connery’s retirement.
Bewitched
This should have been a homerun hit. Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell directed by the queen of the rom-com Norah Ephron (Sleepless in Seattle).
And they were remaking one of the best-loved sitcoms, which itself was inspired by two movies, I Married A Witch and Bell, Book and Candle.
Unfortunately someone decided the premise should go all post-modern and Kidman decided to play Samantha with a Marilyn Monroe voice. The result was a depressingly dull disaster, with only Steve Carell’s Uncle Arthur to redeem it.
Chips
This 2017 film took a much-loved, more-than-three-decades-old, family-oriented series and transformed it into something completely inappropriate for anyone under 16.
It felt like a film 20 years out of its time.
The plot was ploddingly predictable, and most of the ‘‘humour’’ revolved around Ponch’s sex addiction and Baker’s ‘‘trick’’ knee, firearms inaccuracy and failing marriage.
The use of Aretha Franklin’s Respect on the soundtrack was especially ironic, given the little reverence shown towards the movie’s source material.
The Dukes of Hazzard
The original show’s Cooter was right when he urged fans to stay away from this 2005 movie.
‘‘A sleazy insult to all of us who have cared about The Dukes of Hazzard for so long,’’ should have been a poster quote. Instead of good ol’ boys up against comicbook villains you loved to hate, we had foul-mouthed jackassses up against a maniacally grinning Burt Reynolds. And Jessica Simpson destroyed childhood memories of Daisy and her Dukes.
The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas
Making a live-action version of one of the most popular primetime cartoon series was always a gamble. And the first time it kind of worked.
But to try to milk more money out of the cash-cow six years later, in 2000, and without any of the first film’s stars, was a huge mistake. Mark Addy and Stephen Baldwin are no John Goodman and Rick Moranis and Joan Collins was a poor substitute for Elizabeth Taylor.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Breathless and relentless, Stephen Sommers’ all-out visual assault of a movie certainly provided bang for your buck. Even Lost/X-Men-style flashbacks were only designed to provide a different kind of action sequence. This is a movie that prided pyrotechnics over plot and effects over emotional drama. Part Bond film, part Star Wars and all army recruitment video, Joe was also Team America without the songs or intentional humour. Despite an impressive cast, most of the characters were as cartoonish as the Saturday morning show this was inspired by.
Lost in Space
The original 1960s science-fiction series was set in 1997 so it seemed like the logical thing to begin a big-budget remake in that year.
Especially when you could get one of the stars of the hottest sitcom on board and use cuttingedge computer effects. Unfortunately, Matt Le Blanc was about as wooden as the scenery as this Space Family Robinson lost all of its mojo and charm in the transition. Two pre-planned sequels were jettisoned after the film tanked.
Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed
Director Raja Gosnell tried to draw inspiration from SpiderMan and the garish art direction of the past two 90s Batman movies (even borrowing Batgirl Alicia Silverstone as window dressing). But he was undone by this 2004 tale’s desire that we should learn a moral lesson from it (apart from the usual crime never pays).
Thunderbirds
This big-screen, live-action reimagining of Gerry and Sylvia Anderson’s much-loved puppet series is far from F.A.B. Losing its way after about 25 minutes when Home Alone/Spy Kids-style antics enter the picture, it disappeared down a black hole of pratfalls and gunge from whence it never returned. Even competent director Jonathan Frakes couldn’t hide plot holes the size of Tracy Island, performances more wooden than the original puppets and appallingly obvious Ford car company product placements.
Yogi Bear
Sidelined to just a bit player in his own movie in favour of focusing on Ranger Smith’s courting of a wildlife documentarian and the town mayor’s nefarious machinations, the pick-er-nic basket-loving bear’s sporadic appearances only highlighted just what an annoying, self-obsessed glutton he is. The computer-animated Yogi and Boo-Boo looked like merchandisable cuddly toys rather than real bears. Lazily plotted, the film reminded me of one of that other Yogi’s (Berra) most-famous phrases: ‘‘It’s deja vu all over again.’’