I finally got fit
If there’s one thing that’s ‘‘easy’’ about being a mother, it’s the ability to say you don’t have enough time to put yourself first. So many parents do it subconsciously, put the needs of their family ahead of their own and sit back and think. ‘‘Yep, I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing and that’s what other people do and expect of me too’’.
With two toddlers a year apart, the mental load was huge and I found myself putting my own self-care further and further down the list.
But, at the start of last year, I decided a change was needed.
I stopped drinking altogether (my coping mechanism) and decided I needed to carve out some time in my day just for me.
A colleague recommended I try F45, a group fitness gym based around high intensity, 45-minute sessions.
It wasn’t cheap, but once I sat down and worked it out, I was spending way more on booze a week than a membership cost, so it was a no-brainer.
The first couple of classes were punishing. It was the height of summer and I felt sluggish compared to the people I perceived to be super-fit working out alongside me.
I joined the first eight-week challenge of the year as an extra push and motivation to attend the classes – and became what my husband joked an ‘‘F45 addict’’.
There’s plenty of wellness fads banging around, especially on Instagram, and I was sceptical of this new fitness phenomenon, although I suspected I would enjoy the classes as I’ve loved group fitness in the past.
Slowly, but surely, as the habit took over, my body started changing along with my mind. I suddenly became resentful if my plans got changed and it meant I didn’t get my ‘‘fix’’ for the day. Despite pushing my body harder and more consistently than I had in years, I had more energy. People started taking notice and making comments about how I was a ‘‘super mum’’ and they ‘‘didn’t know how I did it’’. My answer was always the same: you make it work.
Once I realised that no-one else was going to carve out time in the day to take care of me, I did it myself. I asked my husband and friends to watch the kids so I could get to classes and, after a while, the ‘‘mummy guilt’’ slipped away.
The reality was, my husband always found time to go to the gym or go for a run. Why couldn’t I? And the answer was always the same – it was me and I was the only person responsible for changing that.
Nearly a year on from starting at F45, I am stronger and fitter than I’ve ever been. From not being able to do a single press-up, to now being able to do 10 or more in quick succession, I look back on videos from my first workouts and wonder who that woman was?
She was lost, sad and didn’t know who she was or what she wanted from life. She identified too much as a mother who put everyone else first and not enough as a worthy person.