A journey of connection, step by step
A man walking the length and breadth of New Zealand to support mental health has returned to the place where his own journey started nearly 20 years ago.
After suffering a nervous breakdown, Ivan Miller ended up in Nelson Hospital’s Mental Health Unit for two weeks in 2003. Seventeen years later, Miller, 50, has been walking the country to raise money and awareness for mental health in New Zealand.
The cause is one close to his heart. He lost three close friends to suicide, as well as facing his own mental health battle after suffering sexual abuse as a 13-year-old.
At 31, while working at a Marlborough vineyard, Miller suffered a nervous breakdown.
‘‘From my teens up to 31, I had functioned in society and worked, but had used a lot of alcohol and different drugs as a coping mechanism,’’ he said. ‘‘It got to a point where none of those worked any more.’’ After a spell on antidepressants, ‘‘which just made things worse’’, he eventually ended up at Nelson Hospital.
Miller said that for years, he was on an ‘‘unmerry-go-round’’ of medications, including antipsychotics and mood stabilisers.
‘‘For five years, I retreated to my house and room, I lost contact with friends and family, I couldn’t work.’’
His recovery started when he was encouraged by a friend, whom he had met at the mental health unit, to enrol in an arts degree course at NMIT, and managed to slowly wean himself off his medication. His study gave him a creative outlet, while mindfulness techniques and group therapy helped him confront his mental health issues.
Miller said that for many years, he didn’t recognise the link between the childhood abuse and his drinking.
‘‘I thought it was a personality defect, that I was weak. It was what made me feel better and forget about the abuse.’’
When a work restructuring resulted in him losing his job as an orchardist in Kerikeri in late 2018, Miller took the opportunity to do the walk.
‘‘I realised if I’m ever going to do something like this, now’s the opportunity, I’ve got nothing holding me back.
‘‘I thought there’s a real power in talking, and that I wasn’t ashamed of my story. I thought, ‘What if I went around the country connecting with New Zealanders, opening the conversation and getting ideas about what some of the problems are in New Zealand?’.’’
Since setting out from Cape Reinga back in February 2019, Miller has walked just under 4000 kilometres. So far he has covered the west coast of the North Island, before walking the circumference of the South Island. After reaching Picton, the final leg of his journey will begin, up the east coast of the North Island before arriving back at Cape Reinga.
Throughout his journey he has battled the elements, including being stranded in his tent near Fox Glacier for three weeks when flooding ripped through the West Coast.
Miller said he had also been struck by the kindness of strangers, with people inviting him into their homes and offering to transport his pack to his daily destinations.
While there had been big differences between the communities he had passed through on his journey, the issue of mental health cut across social and cultural boundaries, he said.
"I’ve had to be non-political and challenge my own judgments about people in that way.
‘‘I’ve realised that it doesn’t matter who you are, what your background is, whether you’re rich or poor, this is one pressure that connects us all. It’s really been a walk of connection.’’