Respected counsellor and celebrant mourned
For years, people sought comfort and reassurance from Tony Barnett in tough times.
Often specifically thanked in newspaper memoriam notices for helping a family come to terms with their loss, this week the memoriam was in his honour – ‘‘The big heart that gave so much to so many, failed’’.
Barnett died suddenly at his sister’s bach at Pukehina, in the Bay of Plenty, on January 14. He was 72.
For more than 40 years, Barnett was an anchor in the lives of many Nelsonians dealing with grief, trauma and sadness – but also happier occasions as a marriage celebrant, and as a man known for his unique sense of humour.
Nelson City councillor Gaile Noonan said she would remember Barnett as ‘‘a quiet, gentle, understanding person’’. She was one of many who received Barnett’s guidance, friendship and wisdom over the years, beginning in her teenage years, when he was a youth pastor at Rutherford St Church of Christ.
Barnett was also there to preside over Noonan’s wedding. He also guided her family through tragedy when her husband took his own life.
‘‘He was amazing when it came to looking after people who were seriously hurting – he dealt with the hard stuff and was very good at it,’’ she said.
At a private farewell last week, brother Michael said Barnett’s true reward was the hundreds of individuals he found a future for.
‘‘He was the ear that listened, and the mind that distilled clarity from confusion. He had the compassion to wrap around an issue and to fix it.’’
Born in Hamilton as the eldest of eight children, Barnett came to the Nelson region in the late 1960s as a young lad looking for adventure.
Joined by his brother, he found work on an orchard near Motueka. The orchardist’s daughter, Norma, would eventually become his wife, and they raised four children – Stephen, Maria, Rachel and Matthew.
The newlywed Barnetts moved to Wellington, where Tony preached on the streets, trained in open-air evangelism, and worked at prisons and schools, before going to Bible College in Auckland, from where he graduated in 1976.
The family soon settled in Nelson, where Barnett worked as a pastor for the Associated Churches of Christ, the Annesbrook Community Trust, Victim Support and Grace Church, as a marriage and funeral celebrant, and as a counsellor.
He had wide experience in relationship and grief counselling, working with young people, and helping people through personal issues. His philosophy was that every hurt soul was salvageable.
His daughter, Rachel Kirkham, recalled a happy childhood underlined by her father’s sense of humour and love, which enabled him to connect with young people in his work.
‘‘It came across quite clearly how they would gravitate towards him – he had to walk them through some really horrific stuff,’’ she said. ‘‘They trusted him because of the compassion he had for them – they’d open up.’’
Barnett gave years of service to the Nelson Tasman Hospice, eventually becoming chaplain and a comforting presence to many.
‘‘Some have regrets when they see their values should have been different. Other people have really celebrated their lives. You can have some pretty interesting discussions,’’ he said in a 2015 interview.
Barnett’s contribution to the community was recognised in 2001 when he was named the Nelson Mail Nelsonian of the Year.
In 2010, he was awarded the Paul Harris Fellowship by the Nelson West Rotary Club in recognition of his work for the hospice, and his support for families and patients in times of need.
In 2015, Barnett bid farewell to Nelson. A challenge closer to his heart was calling.
Norma had been diagnosed with dementia 10 years earlier, and had deteriorated. Instead of a planned campervan holiday around New Zealand, the couple travelled to be with family in Auckland for Norma’s final months. She died in 2016, surrounded by loved ones.
After overseeing numerous funerals and guiding people through difficult times, Barnett had to deal with a massive loss of his own.
Kirkham said Norma’s death was felt dearly by Barnett. However, the time spent with his family had given him peace.
‘‘Mum and Dad were not two people, and that was evident when Mum passed away. For us, there is that real relief that he is happy and together with her – that just about makes you cry as much as losing him.’’
Speaking in 2002, Barnett said his faith made him undaunted by the prospect of dying.
‘‘When I’m about 150, I’d like to peg off quietly. But I’m not afraid, because if I was to die today, I know what’s in store.’’
It was while on a few days’ holiday with his sister that Barnett’s life came to an end.
‘‘[His sister] said to me, ‘I know heaven is real because of the look on his face’,’’ Kirkham said.
■ A celebration of Barnett’s life will be held at Annesbrook Church, 40 Saxton Road West, Stoke on Friday, January 29 at 2pm.