Mentor humbled by chance to help kids
Who among us remembers mentoring figures from our childhood – those who guided us, inspired us, helped us navigate the chaos of growing up? Big Brothers Big Sisters (BBBS) is offering Nelson people the chance to be that figure for someone else, and it’s simpler and more fulfilling than you might think.
Meet Martin De Ruyter, who has been involved with BBBS for 25 years, and has been mentoring 10-year-old Messiah for a year. Martin's journey into mentoring started when his son left home for university, and Martin decided it was time to use his skills to help others.
"Ninety per cent of mentoring is about showing up on time and doing regular things," he says."The one-to-one relationship is the key and being present, listening and participating in conversations."
For Martin and Messiah, it’s as simple as going for a walk; playing disc golf; sharing a laugh; even washing the car. Every moment is an opportunity to connect and make a meaningful impact. Technology is deliberately restricted to just taking photos.
"You don’t have to be exceptional; most children would rather have your presence than a present. Simply doing regular things like walking on the beach is fantastic. If you can do a beach walk with a dog, a ball and an ice cream, that’s the best day ever!"
Disc golf is a favourite, he says. "It's very kinetic so I think it's great for boys. Messiah and I have all sorts of conversations and make up new games while we're playing."
One session at Isel Park turned into a rubbish-collecting exercise after Mes
siah noticed a lot of plastic in the stream. Between Messiah's ideas and Martin's skills gleaned from years of fishing safely in and around rivers, they safely picked up a lot of plastic without even getting their feet wet.
Martin says most people's excuse for not joining the programme is a lack of
time. But that doesn't cut it, he says. "If you don’t have enough time for that, I would suggest there may be some things you need to change in your life because you're missing out on a chance to do something beyond yourself and change a life.
“My favourite quote about this comes from Chelsea Routhan, BBBS National
Operations Director, who says 'You don’t have to change your life to change someone else's'."
Being a positive influence in a child's life is humbling, says Martin. "I have amazing uncles who taught me how to build, how to fish, how to fly aircraft... but fundamentally it was how to problem-solve. I like to think I’m passing on some of this problem-solving wisdom to my young friend Messiah. And I enjoy my time with him because he’s very funny and asks lots of questions. And Messiah’s mother is very supportive because I think after a year together she sees the difference mentoring has had with her son."
Martin likens the positive impact on children to Star Wars with its light and dark sides. "I like to think mentors keep their young mentee friends on the light side because we often have some knowledge and experience of the dark side, of crime and dysfunction."
The BBBS programme offers excellent support and resources, from training, to matching mentors and mentees, to ensuring everyone's safety, the system is second-to-none, he says.
"I’m yet to have a problem that I can’t resolve myself because of the training, or with the help of my amazing mentoring coordinator Freya. She is available should I have any questions or need advice, and rings regularly to check in."
BBBS also brings mentors and coordinators together socially, which is particularly valuable for new mentors wanting advice or support, Martin says.