Wordsworth

Readers were invited to submit a verse containing advice on how to get rich quickly. Colin McGeorge of Christchurch writes: You really can’t go wrong/If you can get water for a song/ Then sell it to the sort of mug/Who buys it by the bottle or jug.

Helen Yuretich has a cunning plan:

The simplest way to get rich quick/Is find a jewellers and heave a brick.

Auckland’s Rex McGregor: Put coins into a piggy bank/And scrimp and save. But kiddo,/If penny-pinching draws a blank,/ Seduce a wealthy widow.

Sage advice from Waikouaiti’s John Jones: To achieve money-making ability,/ Just enhance your clairvoyant facility./ This’ll let you collect a/gigantic trifecta,/ And live in luxurious tranquility.

Another from John: If making a pile’s your intention,/ Then patent a clever invention/ That reduces the size/Of bum, belly and thighs,/And enhances a part we can’t mention.

Nozz Fletcher of Picton: Inherit wealth, good brains or looks./Invest in shares or buy up property;/Convert to dairy; fiddle the books./Embezzle, steal, or win the lottery./But if you really don’t like shirking/ As a last resort you could try working.

Dunedin’s Warren Palmer: If getting rich is good for you,/I’ll tell you what you have to do;/ To get out of your present mess/Send fifty bucks to this address: [address withheld].

But Kaye Bennetts of Whangaparaoa is the winner: Marry someone very old, Make him change his will,/Wear him out with bedtime fun,/And stockpile all his pills.

For the next competition, send us a brief verse that begins or ends with this line from A Poison Tree by William Blake:

I was angry with my friend. Entries, for the prize below, close at noon on Thursday, October 5.

Submissions to wordsworth@listener.co.nz or Wordsworth, NZ Listener, Private Bag 92512, Wellesley St, Auckland 1141. Please include your address.