Gabe Atkinson

Readers were invited to choose a fairy tale or nursery rhyme and adjust it for this age of political correctness.

John Edgar of Christchurch writes: Little Jack Horner was sent to the corner/ For failing to follow the rules./But his parents concluded that was cruel and abusive,/And so they sued the school.

Christchurch’s Catherine Small: Pata-cake, pat-a-cake, baker that is genderneutral,/Make me a sugarless cake that I can’t find on Google./Add probiotics with quinoa and make it gluten-free,/ Then bake it in the oven like MasterChef on TV.

Auckland’s Rex McGregor: Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,/Respected the girls and made them sigh.

Waikawa’s Nozz Fletcher: The woodsman arrived too late to rescue

Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother from the wolf. “This animal is an apex predator, essential for keeping the whole ecosystem in balance!” he declared, before releasing it gently back into the wild. And so the forest lived happily ever after.

Dunedin’s Max Reid: If those opposed to GM trials/Had ever had their way,/ Jack’s giant beanstalk may not have seen/ The light of a summer’s day.

Hamilton’s Judith Macdonald: Mere/ Merry, gender-neutral and cross-cultural,/ Had some little vari-coloured animals (so as not to privilege white)./ They followed him/her to school one day/And proved useful in a debate on vegetarianism.

But John Mills of Gebbies Valley wins with: Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie,/Kissed the girls and made them cry./ Georgie Porgie, now distraught,/Fronts up for his day in court.

For the next contest, describe in a rhyming couplet some of other people’s irritating habits. Entries close at noon on February 15.