TV Films Fiona Rae
A Guide to the Week’s Viewing
SATURDAY MARCH 3
Dragon Wars (TVNZ 2, 7.00pm). Something of an oddity: the most expensive flick made in South Korea is an irony-free B-movie based on a folk legend and starring Western actors. When you’re not laughing at the dialogue, think of it as a Korean Godzilla. (2007)
War of the Worlds (TVNZ 2, 8.40pm). Steven Spielberg is in such command, we can forgive him for referencing himself in this adaptation of HG Wells’s 1898 story, particularly when Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning are hiding from aliens in a basement (see: velociraptors in the kitchen in Jurassic Park, spider robots searching for, ah, Tom Cruise in Minority Report). Nevertheless, it’s a breathless, scary ride with some extraordinary imagery: vaporised bodies, clothes falling from the sky, a burning train. (2005)
The Five-Year Engagement (Three, 11.00pm). Another romcom from the Judd Apatow School of Comedy. Nicholas Stoller and Jason Segel, riding a wave of success after co-writing The Muppets, fashion a straightforward comedy about a couple (Segel and Emily Blunt) who keep delaying their wedding. Their script is clever and Blunt, the actress who can do anything, shows off her considerable comic timing – watch for the scene in which she and Alison Brie do Elmo and Cookie Monster voices: “C is for condom, okay!” (2012)
Con Air (TVNZ 2, 11.05pm). It won a Golden Raspberry for Worst Reckless Disregard for Human Life and Public Property, but isn’t that the whole point? Almost a classic now for its pre-CGI action sequences and explosions and for an excellent cast that really know how to bring the pain, including John Malkovich, Ving Rhames and Steve Buscemi. Director Simon West has gone on to similar riotous action fare such as The Mechanic, The Expendables 2 and, also with Nicolas Cage, Stolen. (1997)
SUNDAY MARCH 4
Terminator Genisys (TVNZ 2, 8.30pm). When James Cameron reacquires the Terminator rights in 2019, his first movie will be a direct sequel to 1991’s Terminator 2: Judgment Day, which tells you everything you need to know about the past three Terminator movies. This pointless reboot retells the Terminator story in a different timeline: Kyle Reese (Jai Courtney) is sent back in time to protect John Connor’s mother, Sarah (Emilia Clarke from Game of Thrones). They are aided in their battle against new Terminator models by the ageing T-800 (Arnold Schwarzenegger, incredibly, the best thing about the movie). Genisys was supposed to be the beginning of a TV series and film trilogy, all shelved. (2015)
The Huntsman: Winter’s War (Three, 8.30pm). Charmless and ill-conceived sequel to Snow White and the Huntsman that Kristen Stewart wisely avoided. Charlize Theron, Emily Blunt, Jessica Chastain and Chris Hemsworth did not and are cursed to spend their days acting out a story of betrayal, revenge and love denied against a green screen. Hemsworth’s ScottishAustralian accent is definitely a wonder – in that it’s a wonder anyone can understand him. Debut director Cedric NicolasTroyan was Oscar-nominated for the first movie’s visual effects, but neither neat CGI, nor comedy dwarves Nick
Frost and Rob Brydon, are enough to rescue the film. (2016)
An Education (Maori TV, 8.30pm). These days, it would be #metoo, but in the 1960s, writer Lynn Barber was whisked away by an older man, with her parents’ blessing, when she was just
16. Novelist Nick Hornby based his script on a Granta essay by Barber, and Danish director Lone Scherfig ( Their Finest) makes Peter Sarsgaard’s predator David urbane and sophisticated, dazzling Jenny (Carey Mulligan) and her parents (Alfred Molina and Cara Seymour), who are eager to appear more worldly. It’s a two-way street, at least at first: precocious Jenny is clever and bored, and David gives her a taste of an adult, erudite life. Dominic Cooper, Rosamund Pike, Olivia Williams, Sally Hawkins and Emma Thompson also appear. (2009)
Queen of the Desert (Choice TV, 8.30pm). Werner Herzog never really makes an uninteresting movie, although he has a damn good try in this biopic of Gertrude Bell, the English writer and adventurer who became hugely significant in the creation of Iraq following the World War I. Herzog, who also wrote the screenplay, is trying for Gertrude of Arabia, but ends up with slightly muddled Merchant-Ivory. Nevertheless, it is very beautiful, having been filmed in Morocco and Jordan. Robert Pattinson and Damian Lewis are creditable as TE Lawrence and British officer Charles Doughty-Wylie respectively, but James Franco is out of his depth as British diplomat Henry Cadogan. (2015)
WEDNESDAY MARCH 7
Sherlock Holmes (Prime, 8.30pm). Robert Downey
Jr’s Holmes never quite gels, although he brings considerable charm to a character that, until Guy Ritchie decided to have a go, was usually austere and patrician. Ritchie’s scattershot style can get out of hand, but here it suits Downey Jr’s twitchy persona. There are some clever action sequences and nicely witty repartee between Holmes, Watson (Jude Law) and Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams). The brilliant
Eddie Marsan plays Lestrade and Geraldine James is Mrs Hudson. (2009)
THURSDAY MARCH 8
Jean (TVNZ 1, 8.30pm). Happy International Women’s Day! TVNZ takes its Jean Batten biopic, written by Paula Boock and directed by Robert Sarkies, out for a spin. Kate Elliott is the spitting image of the mysterious and complicated aviatrix, breathing life and spirit into the woman who obsessively pursued her goals at great personal cost. The film also looks beautiful and won nine awards at the 2017 New York Festivals international TV and film awards (including gold for Elliott) as well as a tonne of gongs at last year’s New Zealand Television Awards. Miranda Harcourt, Fraser Brown and Lisa Chappell also star. (2016)
Death Race (Three, 8.30pm). Happy International Women’s Day! Ah well, we’ll just have to imagine Jason Statham is a girl in this post-apocalyptic video-game car-race movie. Paul WS Anderson took time out from his post-apocalyptic video-game series Resident Evil to direct; exploitation master Roger Corman is a producer, and the flick loosely mirrors his 1975 crazy cult satire Death Race 2000. After the collapse of the US economy, inmates of privatised prisons are allowed to compete for their freedom in televised races. Like that could ever happen. Fast, brutish, as advertised. (2008) Films are rated out of 5: (abysmal) to (amazing).