Wordsworth

Readers were invited to submit a paraprosdokian, a figure of speech that includes an unexpected development at the end. It should be noted that not all contributions are originals.

JR Jones of Wanaka writes: Many are called, but few are sucked in by telemarketing scammers. Rob Seeley, Dunedin: Everything is on the table: the river has just breached the levee.

Rex McGregor (vegan) of Auckland: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to be a vegan and everyone will be fed up with him for his whole lifetime. Barbara Harwood, Auckland: It takes a village to raise a rabble.

John Edgar, Christchurch: Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. Frances Caracciolo, Auckland: “No man is an island,” he said, forgetting the Isle of Man.

Andrea Levarre-Waters, Auckland: To make a long story short, edit it ruthlessly. And: Add insult to injury by writing unpleasant comments on a person’s cast. Maureen Skinner, Mangawhai: My dog and I often enjoy going for a tramp in the forest, but the tramp’s getting a bit fed up.

A pair of entries from Anne Martin of Helensville takes the prize: A house divided can provide a lucrative income from multiple tenants. And: The wages of sin depend on the price set by the madam.

For the next contest, choose any monarch from the past or present and send in an imagined entry, in 50 words or fewer, from their private diary. You may submit in prose or verse. Entries, for the prize below, close at noon on Thursday, April 19.

Submissions: wordsworth@listener.co.nz or Wordsworth, NZ Listener, Private Bag 92512, Wellesley St, Auckland 1141. Please include your address.