Wordsworth

Readers were invited to send in an entry from the private diary of any monarch, past or present. Sign-offs have been added to some submissions for clarity.

Nozz Fletcher of Waikawa writes: By means of disguise did I escape the Vikings yet again. Found refuge in a hovel where the good woman set me straightway to cooking. My mind all a’frenzy from the chase, I did not tend properly to the hearth. Hell hath no fury like a woman with burnt scones. Alfred.

Helen Yuretich: If Moses can do it, so can I. Pencil in beach for Thursday. Canute.

Yvonne Moosberger, Hamilton: Theresa for high tea,/Phil practised his pinky,/Hongi lesson for down under,/How to navigate, I wonder./Jacinda’s teeth and bubba,/Meghan’s debut today./Brunch coat odd, I must say./Hid crown jewels in leggings,/Should wretched Fergie come begging./Watched Ms Mirren as me,/No resemblance I can see.

Helen Morris, Auckland: Tired of togging up to attend/Endless boring ceremonies./Wallis and I would rather be/ Champagne-sipping on languorous seas.

AC Lindsay, Katikati: My scouts tell me the Norman invaders have been spotted near Hastings. I’ll certainly be keeping an eye out for them tomorrow.

But Chris Greenwood of Motueka is the winner: Met the new girl today. Pretty enough, timid, good breeding stock. One hopes she gets on well with Charles. Never can tell with corgis.

For the next contest, create a new portmanteau by blending two words together, and include a definition.

Some portmanteau examples include mansplaining, swapportunity, and craptacular. Entries, for the prize below, close at noon on Thursday, May 10.

Submissions: wordsworth@listener.co.nz or Wordsworth, NZ Listener, Private Bag 92512, Wellesley St, Auckland 1141. Please include your address.