Wordsworth

Gabe Atkinson

The challenge was to submit descriptions of new boondoggles (meaning projects wasteful of government funds and resources). Auckland’s Rex McGregor writes: I object to the Royal Commission/ Into “How to Combat Superstition”./Their procedure entails/Scrutinising entrails./ They’re just giving the nuts ammunition.

Tony Clemow, Kamo: No requests these days are shunned/by the Jones boy’s Provincial Growth Fund./Milk some lolly/ for some folly/before the whole thing’s moribund.

Yvonne Moosberger, Hamilton: Skateboard lessons, prioritised lanes,/

You need never miss your bus again./ Government-funded, so show your mettle,/ Young and old, your nerves will settle./ Independent on wheels beneath your feet,/ You’ll soon be ready for Baldwin St.

Nozz Fletcher, Waikawa: They built a bridge across Cook Strait/But only got half way there./The cost, of course, proved far too great,/So now we’ve the world’s largest pier./In a hundred years it will make a profit./ They’re charging $10 to go fishing off it.

But Margaret Mills of Waiheke Island is the winner: The Poultry Industry Evaluation Commission/was invented by old men with a mission:/Wanting to retire on a nice sinecure/evaluating eggs, chickens, even manure./They sit at their desks from 10:30 till four/with an hour off for lunch/and usually more./Eggheads such as these are perfectly matched/to a job counting chickens before they are hatched/After all, I’m reliably told,/ it’s what they worked at before they got old.

Next, send us some remarks that would be unwise to make in a jury box, parent-teacher meeting, hospital, monastery, or prison. You may write from any perspective, and submissions in prose or brief poetry are accepted. Entries, for the prize below, close at noon on Thursday, October 25.