Wordsworth

Gabe Atkinson

Readers were invited to submit a clerihew about any well-known novelist, poet, composer, or painter. Sticklers may point out that a proper clerihew’s first line should end in a name, but we allow some latitude. Anna Read of Huntly writes: “Oh dear,” said Dickens,/”The plot thickens./I’m writing a book about the French Revolution,/And Carlyle keeps adding a contribution.” Hans Zindel, Palmerston North: Salman Rushdie’s Satanic Verses/ Brought him many curses./ He was told not to travel far/After receiving a fatwa. Peter Holman, Wellington: Philip Larkin/Was rubbish at parking./His bawling and cursing/Ended up in his versing. Rex McGregor, Auckland: F Scott Fitzgerald/Found his health gravely imperilled./An excess of parties and liquor/ Wreaked havoc on his ticker. Tony Clemow, Kamo: Toulouse-Lautrec, Parisian artist/Made impressions of the tartest/Of young ladies on the rantan/Waving partlets in the cancan. Paul Kelly, Palmerston North: DH Lawrence/ Wrote about Lady Constance./Throw in a romp with Mellors,/And decades later you get a posthumous bestseller. Nozz Fletcher, Waikawa: Portnoy, who was really Philip Roth/Incurred literary wrath/Through his intimacy with a sliver/Of refrigerated liver. Vi McIntosh, Blenheim: Pablo Picasso/Brilliant but alas tho’/Given nose, eyes and hair,/Couldn’t work out what went where. Jean Day, Auckland: Lee Child/ Was totally riled/At the thought of a preacher/ Portraying Jack Reacher. But Steve Boughey of Pokeno is the winner: James K Baxter/Would have writ her; never faxed her/And just to bamboozle ‘em/ Shifted house to Jerusalem. For the next contest, provide lyrics for a lively Broadway-style musical called Beehive! Send us four to eight lines of song, and a title, about any political era. Entries, for the prize below, close at noon on Thursday, January 3. Submissions: wordsworth@listener.co.nz or Wordsworth, NZ Listener, Private Bag 92512, Wellesley St, Auckland 1141. Please include your address. Entries may be edited for sense or space reasons.