Wordsworth

Gabe Atkinson

This week’s contest asked for a remark you probably wouldn’t want to hear in one of the following situations: just after marriage, as you’re checking into a hotel, after you’ve woken from surgery, or as you arrive at work. Clare Veltman, Rongotea: (work) The power’s gone out. We’ll hand-milk the first couple of hundred. David Wort, Bay of Plenty: (marriage) My other wives can’t wait to meet you! Hans Zindel, Palmerston North: (surgery) We appear to have misplaced a sponge. Do you feel anything unusual? Chris Greenwood, Motueka: (hotel) Oh, we’re so sorry – we’ve been trying to reach you all day. Anne Martin, Helensville: (marriage) Did they ever find his first wife’s body? Rex McGregor, Auckland: (work) Senior management have no sense of irony. They asked me to tell you you’re surplus to requirements and redundant. Keith Davidson, Blenheim: (surgery) No, Jones! I told you to remove his spectacles. Paul Kelly, Palmerston North: (work) You must be taking over from John while he’s on stress leave. Daphne Tobin, Porirua: (surgery) Well, I think I got it all out. David Johnstone, Christchurch: (hotel) I’m sorry, sir, the lifts don’t work and you’re on the 16th floor. The bellhop’s off, the kitchen’s closed and the chef is indisposed. Will there be anything else? But John Mills of Gebbies Valley is the winner: (surgery) Hello, I’m sorry to wake you. Do you happen to know your blood group? For the next contest, send us an amusing poem of up to six lines about a summer road trip in New Zealand, real or fictional. Rhyming is not compulsory. Entries, for the prize below, close at noon on Thursday, November 21.

Submissions: wordsworth@listener.co.nz or Wordsworth, NZ Listener, Private Bag 92512, Wellesley St, Auckland 1141. Please include your address. Entries may be edited for sense or space reasons.