LIVING WITH CANCER
TANIA’S SPIRIT WON’T BE BROKEN BY HER DIAGNOSIS
One brave mum’s plea
Looking at Tania Lelisi, it’s hard to imagine that the outgoing West Aucklander is living with a death sentence hanging over her. Yet the mum-of-two is a ticking time bomb after being diagnosed with terminal metastatic breast cancer in early 2016.
Facing every day with a “terrifying fear of the cancer spreading” is tough, but thanks to Tania’s positive attitude and fantastic support network, the 53-year-old is not only surviving but thriving. Each new day is a blessing to be cherished.
It was three years ago when the human resources manager first noticed a prominent lump on her breast, but she put it out of her mind.
“Life was busy,” Tania explains of why she initially chose to ignore the lump despite her mother also developing breast cancer more than 25 years earlier. “I was working full-time and I had two daughters – I don’t really know what I was thinking.”
However, when Breast Screen Waitemata chased Tania up for an overdue mammogram in October 2015, she was devastated to be diagnosed with cancer in both breasts and told she urgently needed a bilateral mastectomy.
“I remember bursting into tears in absolute disbelief,” she recalls of the moment she was given the chilling news.
Undergoing surgery and making the decision to have implants, Tania returned to hospital multiple times after developing an infection.
She underwent a skin graft on her breastbone to seal the wound in preparation for a course of chemotherapy, before a surgeon sent her for an MRI scan as a precaution.
“We didn’t expect anything to come from it, but during my pre-chemo appointment, I was told that the cancer had become metastatic [spread to other areas of the body],” she says. “It was a huge shock.”
For selfless Tania, her first thoughts were for her children – Kelsey (21) and Grace (19) – who lost their father David after a sudden stroke in 2001. He was 38.
“It made me angry,” she tells. “It was bad enough my daughters lost their father – they now faced the prospect of their mother dying from cancer too.”
Initially overwhelmed by the diagnosis, Tania has since taken on a less stressful role at Westforce Credit Union as an administration officer.
And for now, she takes a daily tablet, along with a bone-strengthening infusion and slow-release hormone injection every 28 days, to combat the disease.
Tania also sought help through the Cancer Society before discovering Sweet Louise, a support group for people with incurable breast cancer.
“I was very nervous when going to my first Sweet Louise meeting as I didn’t know what to expect,” says Tania. “I envisioned frail-looking women, but when I got to the meeting, there were lots of women who looked just like I did. I remember as I left I was on such a high because
I felt like my thoughts and feelings had been validated by others in a similar situation.”
Sweet Louise has provided priceless emotional support to Tania over the past three years and an annual allocation of vouchers worth $500 has also given welcome relief, with the Aucklander using them for massages to ease the aching in her bones caused by the cancer.
Her family has also been a solid support. Seeing their mum struggling to cope with everything, her two daughters have stepped in to take over the household chores.
And Tania’s husband John, who is the brother of her late first husband, has adopted a positive approach to the killer disease in his own calm, understated way.
Tania has found extra emotional healing through writing a regular blog, which is open for her family and friends to read.“I saw the blog as a great way to release my feelings and thoughts,” she says.
“I have always been really open about my story. I’m in this position because of my own naivety and I don’t want it to happen to anybody else.”
Living with cancer has changed Tania in many ways. Physically, she lives with
prolonged bouts of pain and fatigue, and she has also become a lot less tolerant of people who “sweat the small stuff”.
“I become impatient when I hear someone complaining about trivial things,” she explains. “There are bigger things to worry about.”
Yet in other ways, she has remained the same. Fiercely loyal and devoted to her “numberone priority” – her family – living with a terminal disease has also motivated her to fulfil a number of bucket-list pursuits.
Having never previously spent Christmas Day on the beach, last year, she and her family spent December 25 at Martins Bay, north of Auckland – a place that has always held special memories for them.
Tania does not know how many more Christmases she has left and there is no timeline on the disease. “I could live for years, but what does ‘years’ mean?” she muses. “It could be five, it could be 10 and I have already used up some of them.”
But whatever happens, she insists that adopting a positive attitude is a must. “It is so important to find your network of support, whether that is through family, friends or an organisation such as
Sweet Louise,” she advises.
“I have my dark days, but you only get one chance. Life is for living and there is no point going through life angry or it will eat you up.”