How to talk to children and teens
In our small and close-knit country, New Zealanders are all affected to some degree by this tragic event.
Talking to kids and younger members of your family about a terrorist attack is a tough task. Before you embark on such a conversation, check in with yourself first to make sure you’re feeling okay. Remember, there is a ton of support out there, from friends and family through to organisations that specialise in grief and loss.
As we all grapple with shock and disbelief after one of New Zealand’s most tragic days, how can we talk to our children about the shootings?
The Weekly spoke to clinical psychologist Dr Natalie Flynn, who says that children mature at different times and parents must take the lead from them in terms of what they say.
“When talking to preschoolers, tell them all the ways they, as an individual, are safe and protected. You do not need to discuss the big picture. Only when they ask questions themselves about ‘why’ or ‘how’ is it necessary to say more.
“It could be prudent to have different conversations with older children that younger children cannot hear.
“Older children may feel more in control of their safety by doing something related to the event, so you can add this to the conversation and brainstorm suggestions. This could include anything from writing letters to helping others or showing support to victims. Tell your teens that helping and connecting with others is a great way of reducing our own sadness and anxiety.
“Have honest conversations about gun laws, racism and what they can do to help. By treating them as young adults, they will have a greater sense of security.”
Check in with your children about what they’ve heard and how they feel about it.
“When talking about the attack, talk with your children, not around them. Children are listening even when we think they are not, and we need to ensure that the conversations they hear line up with their age, their maturity and the information they are receiving from other children or social media,” she says. Look for signs of fear or trauma such as nightmares or new worries about being alone. Talk these through and give children reassurance.