JEREMY CORBETT
AFTER A BREAK-IN, SOME DIVINE INTERVENTION LIFTS JEREMY’S MOOD
We got robbed last week. They got all the cheap copy watches I’d gathered from the few overseas trips I’ve made. They have more sentimental value than financial; I still get a pang of sorrow when I see the empty shelf they sat on.
I think we disturbed them because they didn’t take anything else and left a bag of loot on the floor. If they’re reading this, I can assure you there’s very little of value worth coming back for.
As with most invasions, the real damage was psychological: Our poor kids no longer feel safe at home.
I won’t dwell on the burglary as it’s not really the point of this column, but I feel I’ve been fortunate in this life and perhaps the people who stole our possessions needed them more than we did. I hope my ‘Rolecx’ that never kept accurate time makes them happy.
Like many people who’ve been burgled, we acted after the horse had bolted and contacted a firm to come and quote for a security system.
On the day of the appointment they contacted me and said they were having van troubles and would be a bit late, 10.30am was the time they suggested. Not a problem. We were home.
At exactly 10.30am there was a knock at the door, I opened it and greeted the two well-dressed men. We exchanged pleasantries and I invited them in. “Leave your shoes on. Not a problem,” I said, being the friendliest host I could possibly be.
Megan joined us inside the house and we stood looking at the gentlemen, awaiting their security wisdom.
They looked back at us expectantly. Megan sensed something and delicately asked, “Where… where are you guys from?”
“We’re Jehovah’s Witnesses, actually,” said one.
Silence. Awkward silence.
They smiled. A dog barked in the distance.
“Ahhh haha,” said I. “We were expecting security guys, to be honest.”
They laughed. “We wondered why you invited us in so quickly! Best day ever for a moment there.” We laughed.
“So you’re not interested in the Bible, then?” they followed up.
“Naaaaahhhhhhhh… we’re sorted in the department thanks,” we said hopefully. “Off you go then,” said Megan in a joking tone.
They seemed okay with that. It was delivered so tongue-in-cheek and amidst laughter I’m sure it’s one of the nicer ways they’ve been informed their presence is no longer required.
I joined in the revelry as they walked back to the door. “So you don’t know anything about security then?”
And, with as sharp a wit as ever, one shot back with, “Well, we got in here!” And off they went. And we laughed. I suspect I’m one of the few people who have willingly invited Jehovah’s Witnesses into their home. I’d like to say it wasn’t too bad. It felt like, for a moment there, we’d made their day. They were pleasant and not pushy, and they didn’t take my watch.
We’ve certainly had far worse people in our home.
When the security guy eventually turned up, I checked his ID before inviting him in.