A bachelor for the real world
As I watched yet another reality television show full of shiny Aucklanders this week (and a token Invercargillite) I couldn’t help thinking how The Bachelor would play out in the real world.
There’d be no gowns dripping in sequins, no spray tans and no teeth bleaching if the show was shot in my neck of the woods.
So meet our bachelor: Steve, 37-year-old divorced mechanic and father of two - although he only sees the kids to share a Happy Meal with them on a Sunday since his missus took off with his best mate.
Steve has been getting a bit of action with Sheryl who works behind the bar at the local pub, but he’s looking for something else.
And Sheryl’s husband will find out what’s been going on eventually anyway, because half the town is already talking about it.
Steve is no show pony, but he’s tried to up his game to impress the ladies since the missus left. He’s bought some new clothes, had his hair cut and has started drinking craft beer, except when he’s at the rugby club with the boys.
When he’s not at work, he’s tinkering with his project car in the garage, which could possibly be the reason for his divorce, but at least she didn’t get her hands on his pride and joy in court.
And Steve will have a bevy of delightful ladies to choose from although there won’t be any glamorous yoga teachers, beauty therapists or snowboard instructors in the mix. They’ll be solo mums, hairdressers, cleaners and checkout chicks - women who work hard and make an honest living, just like Steve.
Some of them are thrilled to be accepted for the show because it’ll be the first time they’ve had their hair and makeup done in years.
There will be no one-size-fitsall rack of size 10 gowns to select from.
We’d get The Warehouse and Farmers on board as sponsors to dress the girls, since that’s where they shop in the first place.
The Bachelorette Mansion would still have stunning scenery not unlike the setting for our current TV show, but it’ll be more shepherds’ quarters on a farm than an exclusive lodge.
They’ll drink cider or wine instead of bubbles, and take it in turns to bring the chips and dip or a cheese platter while they’re hanging out with Steve.
Challenge dates would include who could do the best time in his project car at the quarter-mile drags, sheep-riding at the local rodeo grounds and karaoke singing at the local pub.
And since Dominic Bowden seems to be best mates with the current batchelor, why not have Steve’s best mate in there as the host?
Everyone needs a wingman when they’re playing the dating game, after all.
Sound like a winner?
Possibly a bit more entertaining than the overly-scripted episodes we’re seeing on television at the moment.
I might have to apply for some New Zealand On Air funding.