We learned our son is gay from his ex

North Taranaki Midweek - - GARDENING -

‘‘If it's true that he's been hid­ing this se­cret from you for six years then he'll prob­a­bly be re­lieved to have it in the open.’’

Q: My hus­band re­ceived an email from our son’s friend telling him that our son had been his boyfriend for six years and had cheated on him. I too re­ceived a text from this young man telling me our son was gay. My ques­tion is how do I ap­proach our son about this?

I hate it that some­one else had to tell us he is gay. We are very sup­port­ive and open­minded peo­ple and will love our son no mat­ter what. I want to ap­proach him but I don’t want to do it in a way that will em­bar­rass him or ruin his hol­i­days. What’s the right way to go about this with­out mak­ing him feel awk­ward? I also don’t want to just as­sume he’s gay based on these mes­sages.

A: One im­por­tant is­sue is at stake here and that’s the re­la­tion­ship you and your hus­band have with your son.

If you keep that as your No. 1 pri­or­ity in this sit­u­a­tion then you should all come out of this with your fam­ily in­tact.

I think the only way through this labyrinth is to present the in­for­ma­tion as hon­estly and as kindly as you can to your son. Ex­plain that you’ve heard some­thing se­cond-hand, that it may be true or it may be ma­li­cious, but you feel com­pelled to give him the chance to hear the in­for­ma­tion.

Does it re­ally mat­ter if some­one else has told you that your son is gay? Does it mat­ter that he might feel em­bar­rassed?

If it’s true that he’s been hid­ing this se­cret from you for six years then he’ll prob­a­bly be re­lieved to have it in the open.

But then you say you don’t want to make as­sump­tions.

So, don’t make as­sump­tions. Just present the in­for­ma­tion with an open mind and re­as­sure him as you said in your let­ter, that you are sup­port­ive, open minded and love him no mat­ter what.

If your son de­nies the past boyfriend, then you have your an­swer for now. It may turn out that there’s some truth in the friend’s email and text, and that your son needs more time be­fore he can ad­mit it. At least you’ve opened the door to the dis­cus­sion.

Your be­ing open minded and sup­port­ive is great, but ul­ti­mately it’s your son’s sit­u­a­tion and he may not be ready to talk just yet. ❚ Roost. Com­ing Home to

Why did I have to find out about my son’s sex­u­al­ity via a text from his ex?

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