Supporting our adults-in-training
OPINION
Teenagers fascinate me. I love them. I have two of my own. The world is so new to these adults-intraining.
It saddens me when I read about how the teenage suicide rate in New Zealand is so high.
I wonder what are we doing that isn’t working?
Are we not as available as they need us to be?
Have we forgotten what it is to listen?
Is our communication underdeveloped?
Are we dishing out antidepressants too readily without showing them how to tackle problems?
Remember your own teenage years. Go on, close your eyes and drift back to being 15 or 16 years old. It was largely about constantly dealing with change and change makes most of us anxious because it can involve too much uncertainly and too many unknowns.
During our teens, interactions take on a totally new form, both with our peers and with adults; our bodies are doing all sorts of crazy stuff and it takes a heck of a lot of acceptance. We are expected to think for ourselves, but we have limited experience to relate to.
Add to that hormones doing circus practice and parts of the brain being off line, and we don’t even know which way is up!
It’s important that teenagers develop useful ways to manage their life. The skills they learn they will continue to use for the rest of their days.
They are exploring adulthood with no instruction manual and, often, no mentor on hand. Suddenly, they are expected to be all grown up and responsible, as if by magic.
I personally feel we can do more to help our teens with communication skills. Effective communication allows us to confront life issues as they happen. It lets us know how to ask for support when we need it, how to get what we want, and how to contribute.
Yet we all try and be stoic and get by on our own without asking for help, without sharing and pretending we are super strong.
What if we lead by example, show them how to do it?
Yep, that means we’ll need to sharpen up!
Puberty is like an apprenticeship and we are the masters. We have a responsibility to actively mentor and share knowledge. We need to be guiding them through their rites of passage. They need to know what is normal and what is lack of experience yet to come.
Why wait until their teens? We could start earlier. A close friend once informed me ‘‘You are training your kids to confidently leave home.’’ And boy, aren’t we?
It’s not up to the teachers to do it, or the medical profession. No pill can fix our kids. It’s up to all of us to be the best we can be to show them the way.