RECIPES

Bugman’s escargot (or snail control á la gourmet) involves collecting the finest, fittest and fattest garden snails from the threatened garden areas. Put them in big jars and “starve” them for 4 to 5 days on old white bread. This “starving” is an important procedure. As you may remember from school experiments, the snails have a habit of excreting dark, stringy poopy-plops. These dark, stringy poopy-plops will have to be evacuated from the snail’s gut system before cooking because they taste bad! White bread will slowly replace the dark excrement and it improves the taste of the final escargot beyond belief.

Put a big pot of water on the boil, and chuck all these “starved” snails into the boiling water; simmer for about 6 minutes. (Boil the water first before launching the snails, but do not overcook them for they will then turn out tasting like rubber bands!). Then take the snails out and leave to cool.

Remove the bodies from their long-term residence with eyebrow tweezers or entomological forceps. This, by the way, is known in the trade as a “forceps delivery”.

Then fry them for perhaps 5 to 6 minutes in some simple garlic butter. (Here again: do not fry too long, or they will turn out like garlic-flavoured rubber bands)

Recently, my friend Allyson Gofton made a very helpful suggestion to further improve the culinary effort of our pest control strategy: “Starve” the snails on garlic bread, so that they are automatically marinated, alive!

Serve them in their own shells. In any case I can recommend them with a 1965 Chateau Tahbilk – they go well together.

Bon appetit!