A COUNTRY LIFE
The best kind of man cave
1. The cave
This can be a shed or detached garage of some sort, but under no circumstances should the man cave be attached to the main dwelling. Being connected to the living quarters renders the cave liable to random inspection and cleaning at the whim of the other party involved in the domestic arrangement.
It will also mean at times that you might hear something like “I can’t get the car into the garage for goodness sake” or “If the kids get out here and swallow one of those screws you keep leaving lying around...” or “I almost killed myself tripping over the junk last week.”
The cave should also not be purposebuilt. This defeats the goal of having a hovel, with exposed wiring and a door with only one hinge. There should be old hooks and cubby holes that once served purposes that can only be guessed at. If it’s a nicely-lined and painted room, it is a bedroom.
2. Tools
It is important to have a variety of tools to line the walls and scatter around the bench tops, to demonstrate the prowess and competence of the owner. Don’t worry too much if you don’t know how to use them. It is easy in this age of technology to search online for any additional facts that may help in the use of the tools. Look up www.howtouseahammer.com and life is immediately easier and more straightforward.
I am still trying to find a use for my router. I have made one of those nice shadow board thingies for it to hang on. Visitors are very impressed.
3. Assorted stuff
There must be a large assortment of things that may come in handy one day. There’s the crate of bits and pieces that was inherited from your father. He kept them for 40 years in case they were useful so they now have historic value. If they were thrown out you just know that next week you would need three bent D shackles, but then it would be too late.
My own man cave houses the remains of a yacht. This has been used to repair kitchen cupboards, provide a lid for a cookie jar, and contributed to a steam punk costume. The chain is on the trailer, the rope is doing service as a swing, and there are two spare anchors in the rafters, just in case.
4. Fridge
There have been accusations in the past that the man cave is merely an excuse for the male of the household and other undesireables to avoid responsibility and spend the evening drinking beer. Nothing could be further from the truth. The fridge is to keep the sandwiches in. Firstly, it is necessary to keep sandwiches to sustain you during the long arduous evenings spent working on important projects. These projects are for the benefit
of mankind in general. At a future time I will detail what these are.
Secondly, far be it from the cave dweller to interrupt his spouse when she is enjoying her quality time.
5. Home brew
Notwithstanding the above, the paraphernalia of the home brew set-up may be safely stashed in this area. The fermenter itself should command a central position.
You’ll also need shelves to store the hops, malt, brewing magazines, thermostats and various ingredients and equipment.
Obviously there will also be several types of the finished product available for research purposes.
5. Unfinished projects
Some projects can’t be hurried. It took Edison 20 years to invent the lightbulb. Einstein took 10 years to invent relativity.
Personally, I am working on the teleporting problem. In 1966 the creators of Star Trek first introduced us to teleporting, and I am sure I have almost cracked it.
There is always a certain amount of luck with these projects, velcro and vulcanised rubber to name just two. Where would we be without those?
This is why I prefer not to tidy up, purely in the interests of potential worldchanging discoveries.
As with all recipes, it is important to get the mixing right. Some would suggest that the man cave is half-baked. Change the ingredients and the finished product is altered. It is best to experiment, a project here, a new pile of critically important hardware there. There always seems to be too much lawnmowing and not enough home brew. The problems can become insurmountable.
I raise a sandwich to the humble man cave where important discoveries are made, projects remain incomplete, and no-one drinks beer, much.
Hardly at all, really.