IN CASE YOU WERE ASLEEP...

Here’s our undiluted opinion on all the action from the last eight weeks.

About 20,000 people dressed in red sneaked into New Zealand. Well, they didn’t really sneak because they made a lot of noise. They roared like lions in fact. Oh no sorry, they roared the word lions... Incessantly...lions, lions, lions... It reached the point where it was hard not to wonder if any of them could say anything else. The fact some of them were Welsh intensified that doubt. Oh that is harsh... Except it’s quite tame in comparison with how the various components of this red army feel about each other. That’s the amazing thing about the Lions...they are made up of four countries that spend the rest of their time plotting to take each other’s heads o . Has anyone seen Braveheart per chance..? Well, if you have, you will know the Scots don’t like the English. Not so keen at all as it happens what with all that raping, colonising that went on... Nearly a thousand years ago mind... but it still happened. So isn’t it all a great laugh that the Scots have to then play in the same team as the English..? Oh except that’s right, no Scots were picked in the test 23. By the coach of Wales, who was also the coach of the Lions. But who is in fact a New Zealander. Is this confusing...because it gets more complicated. There were only two Scots originally picked in the Lions. Which meant there were more Kiwis than there were Scots. Ridiculous. And then there were nearly as many South Africans in the squad as there were Scots. No wonder the red army incessantly chanted lions, lions, lions. Seems like that would be the best way to stop being confused. Just chant everyone. Just chant and it will all make lovely sense. Back to Braveheart for a second... why did an Australian play the role of William Wallace? Last we checked Wallace never once said ‘Streuth, those bloody Poms are behaving like a pack of pork chops’.