THE SECRET DIARY OF ...
NICKY HAGER and JON STEPHENSON
Nicky Hager
Every word in the new book I wrote with Jon Stephenson is 100 percent absolutely correct.
Our central claim in Hit & Run is that the New Zealand SAS launched a revenge raid on a village in Afghanistan, and killed innocent civilians.
There is no room for error.
It’s actually more than a book; it’s an immaculate object, something to gaze upon with awe, and to be received as gospel truth.
I call it The Book of Nicky.
Jon Stephenson
I call it The Book of Jon.
But Nicky’s right, of course. The book is 100 percent absolutely correct and bear in mind that’s a modest estimate.
It follows that any criticism of the book is 100 percent absolute bollocks. There’s actually no point in the New Zealand Defence Force [NZDF] criticising the book, because everything they’ll say about it is wrong, and they’re going to look foolish.
Very, very foolish.
Hager
Jon and I stand by everything in the book, although we concede that it appears the location of the raid and the villages is indeed slightly different to what our local sources told us.
But not by much.
Only 2km, give or take.
Now that’s not a very long distance by any stretch. Indeed it takes a healthy person about 10 minutes to walk 1km at a speed of 6kmh, and we’re all aware of the SAS and their level of fitness, so at a sprint they could cover the 2km in, say, 5, 5 and ahalf minutes, and still have time to reload.
Stephenson
Nicky and I will now clear up any confusion about the villages that were attacked by simply saying Tirgiran is not a village, and therefore Tirgiran Village does not exist. Tirgiran is a valley area. Naik and Khak Khuday Dad villages are in fact located within the red rectangular box in the NZDF map. The identified Objectives 1 and 2 are located in Naik village. The most northern village (incorrectly named Khak Khuday Dad in the NZDF map) is in fact a village named Khakandy. The northwestern village (incorrectly named Naik Village in the NZDF map) is in fact a village named Beidak.
There.
Hager
Furthermore, we will now pinpoint the exact coordinates of the village with a simple demonstration.
You will see Jon holding an Oxford Maths set supplied in a traditional Helix designed tin box. It’s ideal for students at school, university or in the home, and indeed for two investigative journalists.
Jon will now open the set.
It includes a 15cm ruler, a 180 degree protractor, a 45 degree and 60 degree set square, a selfcentring compass, a sharpener, eraser and pencil.
But actually something’s missing.
Stephenson
I have conducted an investigation of the contents and revealed that it’s missing a protractor. A protractor would come in handy right now, so I’ll just pop down to Warehouse Stationery and buy one.
Hager
Jon has returned from the
Warehouse
Stationery with a protractor. He seems to have stopped and got a cream bun, too.
You will see him approaching the NZDF map with the selfcentering compass. The ends are very sharp! In the wrong hands, they could do some serious damage.
Stephenson
Ow.
Hager
You will now see Jon bleeding, the great clot.
Stephenson
If Nicky thinks it’s so simple then he’s welcome to have a go himself with this goddamned compass and its lethal metal points, but maybe he doesn’t have the guts.
Hager
I think it might be a good idea right now to return to our central claim in Hit & Run that the New Zealand SAS launched a revenge raid on a village in Afghanistan, and killed innocent civilians.
The NZDF has muddied the waters, but fortunately the public will not be so easily
distracted.