Many a way to part dentures and wearers
WELL well. What a ‘‘denture adventure’’ we experienced yesterday as readers queued up to share their lighthearted stories related to false teeth and the things that can go wrong with them.
They did so in response to our invitation to comment on the subject, raised by Allison, an Invercargill reader, after her recent visit to the dentist.
We don’t have room for all the stories emailed or rung in to us today, but here’s an edited selection. A big thanks to everyone who responded.
‘‘Hec’’ Browett, of Dunedin, wrote: ‘‘Aunty Ida, widowed for many years who used to live in Hargest Cres, St Kilda, always, as instructed by her dentist, used to take out her teeth when going to bed. I understand that she invariably placed them on a saucer and put them under her bed. One day she could not find them. They had disappeared, although the saucer remained. A hunt started. They were not in the bathroom where they had been cleaned and they had not been tipped out of the saucer. They were not in the rubbish. They were not in the kitchen. They had ‘gone’.
‘‘Questions arose — had they been swallowed? Off to the doctor she went and despite being assured that it was not possible to swallow either upper or lower dentures; she certainly could not have managed the lot. Eventually the doctor agreed to arrange for an Xray and of course the intestinal tract was clear of false teeth. A new set of teeth were ordered and duly fitted. The matter was put to rest.
‘‘Some months later a neighbour who grew vegetables in her garden was digging and came across the original teeth, both upper and lower. The puzzle was solved — my aunt had a Pomeranian dog called ‘Ted’ and it was thought the dog must have uplifted this new type of bone and taken it outside and buried them in the garden along with other bones. I suppose the moral of the story is soak your false teeth in water, well above dog level.’’
Craig Radford wrote: ‘‘Your request relived for me the time, about 40 years ago, when my late father
Des headed for the family crib in Waikouaiti to conduct some renovations. It was a cold evening when he put his dentures in Steradent in a plastic bowl and decided to improve the effectiveness of its action by placing them in the oven. You guessed it; he forgot about them and before long he was looking at a molten mangled mess. He tried in vain to resurrect the situation but to no avail.
‘‘He had no option but to return home prematurely. Here’s the funny bit (from the family’s perspective): when my mother asked why he was home so soon, Dad said, ‘I’ll tell you if you promise not to laugh.’ Upon hearing the explanation, Mum could not contain herself. Dad was somewhat hurt by the response and all he could say plaintively was, ‘You promised not to laugh.’ Needless to say, the response from Don Green, his dentist, was somewhat similar. That response has remained a family catchphrase.’’
Janice Grossett, of Oamaru, writes: ‘‘I think this might break all records for the length of time a set of false teeth lasted. In 1931 my father had his teeth removed and was fitted with dentures, before he emigrated from the Orkney Islands to New Zealand. He died in 2010, aged 98, and he still had the same set of false teeth. Mind you, they were getting a bit rickety, and had to be brushed very carefully!’’
Annabel Cameron, of Brockville, writes: ‘‘My husband lost his teeth due to the incomplete removal of a wisdom tooth, the remaining roots causing massive infection resulting in the loss of all his teeth at just 21. Ten years later our 2yearold daughter wandered into the bathroom just as her father was replacing his dentures following cleaning. She called out to her brother ‘Allan, come and look! Daddy is eating his teeth!’ It still makes me chuckle 40 years later.
‘‘I wrote a wee birthday poem for my husband a few years ago. Even though your hair is white And your teeth come out at night, Even though you fart in bed,
Still I’m glad it’s you I wed.’’ Lynda, of Dunedin, writes: ‘‘My late mum was being taken home from a family wedding in West Otago to Dunedin late at night by the very kind staff from a resthome here in Dunedin. Driving through the Manuka Gorge she was very carsick. The offending brown paper bag was turfed out in the gorge. It wasn’t till they got back to Dunedin that the staff noticed Mum’s false teeth were missing. Next day the managers were travelling to Central Otago and spotted a brown paper bag on the side of the road. Stopping and reversing back, they retrieved the bag, only to discover an old discarded pie. We still laugh about this story today.’’
Janice, of Dunedin, writes: ‘‘When I was 15, I got a job in a florist shop in Hanover St. A lady came in after work (I think she worked at the St George factory in Filleul St) and promptly collapsed on the floor. The shop owner knew first aid and took the lady’s teeth out to make sure her breathing was not obstructed. An ambulance was called. As the ambulance drove off with the lady, we realised her teeth were still in the shop so I had to run down the road, catch the ambulance at the lights and hand the teeth over.’’
And on our Facebook page, Sandy Nicol shared this story: ‘‘I’m unsure how true this is but
. . . apparently it was pretty common for men working on the land miles from a city or dentist, after their wedding would take their new bride into a dentist and have all their teeth removed, and false teeth fitted. I know personally of 2 who did just that and have been assured that it was ‘just common sense’. I hope the new wife/bride was willing! Shudder!’’