Sunny skies darken as lows be­come ap­par­ent

The weather re­port on the evening news is a good op­por­tu­nity to re­flect on the fact there are other cities and towns in New Zealand, places out­side Dunedin. Most of them are pretty ap­palling, as shown in this weather re­port spe­cially de­vel­oped to give a D

Otago Daily Times - - General -

AUCK­LAND

Some fog for Auck­land to­mor­row with iso­lated show­ers, mainly in the western sub­urbs, and then a warm and sunny af­ter­noon.

Warm, damp clouds heavy with en­nui will cling for a time to the dis­ap­point­ing pus­tules of Mt Eden and Mt Hob­son be­fore de­scend­ing and in­fect­ing the city it­self with their dis­con­tent.

The air for you to­mor­row will be un­pleas­antly muggy, with a nasty af­ter­taste of poor plan­ning that will clog up not just your vile roads, but the air den­sity in the minds of your trou­bled peo­ple.

Your har­bour and its wet­lands will be af­fected by an out­break of de­pressed at­mo­spheric pres­sure, and heavy droplets of dis­plea­sure will fall from the skies and ob­scure the very essence of life.

Your high for to­mor­row will be 18 de­grees.

HAMIL­TON

Some low cloud and fog around Hamil­ton to­mor­row, maybe a lit­tle driz­zle as well, grad­u­ally clear­ing for a fine af­ter­noon.

The city will again be flat, and the winds of change are not ex­pected to blow through the Waikato about mid­day to make any dis­cernible dif­fer­ence to your lot.

A dark­ness borne on clouds of de­spon­dency will de­scend early af­ter­noon, leav­ing hordes of emp­tyeyed lo­cals striv­ing, but fail­ing, to find any mean­ing in their lives.

Ex­pect a heavy dew to form in the tiled halls of your shop­ping malls and turn into a noi­some goo that sticks to the soles and souls of shop­pers, who will find them­selves stuck in a hideous night­mare as they at­tempt to ne­go­ti­ate an empty world of con­sumerism as they try to make up for the empti­ness at their city’s heart.

Ex­pect some light winds to­wards evening, and a high of 17.

TAU­RANGA

Tau­ranga starts the day with some low cloud or fog, but clears to a sunny blue­sky af­ter­noon, with some light winds.

New Zealand’s fifth­largest city will be un­pleas­antly bright, and a re­lent­less, judge­men­tal gaze will be fixed on its un­for­tu­nate lack of cul­tural in­sti­tu­tions of any note.

Its pub­lic art col­lec­tion, re­cently val­ued at an amus­ing $800,000, will waft away into an at­mos­phere of mild em­bar­rass­ment.

Tau­ranga will suf­fer from iso­lated out­breaks of old age early on, and those are ex­pected to take hold and build to a flood of re­tire­ment with waves of walk­ing sticks that will bat­ter the shores and seep slowly but surely into the city’s con­scious­ness.

A high to­mor­row for you, Tau­ranga, of 18 de­grees.

WELLING­TON

Mostly fine in Welling­ton, maybe an early shower or two, and then clear­ing for a sunny af­ter­noon.

The cap­i­tal will be hilly to­mor­row with some wind, ben­e­fit­ing from a strong sim­i­lar­ity to Dunedin with your well­pre­served her­itage and strong sense of grav­i­tas.

We like you.

You’ve got a northerly breeze and a high of 15 de­grees.

NEL­SON

Across the strait in Nel­son there is a partly cloudy morn­ing, with northerly winds bring­ing some show­ers in the morn­ing, clear­ing later in the day.

Wealthy Amer­i­cans and hip­pies are on the cards for you to­day, and de­spite your clear need for change, the fore­cast, sadly, is for more of the same.

Give your­self a slap.

A high of 16 de­grees.

CHRISTCHURCH

There is weather in Christchurch to­mor­row, but there will be no fore­cast be­cause of the Cru­saders, and other un­re­solved mat­ters be­tween us that we won’t raise here, but that in­clude a gen­eral an­tipa­thy based on moral and philo­soph­i­cal is­sues, and also be­cause your peo­ple are rather rough and of­ten ap­pear to have an un­for­tu­nate streak of crim­i­nal­ity that we are not com­fort­able with.

Also, it is in­fu­ri­at­ing try­ing to find your way round a city that is dead flat on the odd oc­ca­sion you are re­quired to go there and can­not find a way to get out of it.

But mostly we just don’t feel that safe there, and the peo­ple in your su­per­mar­kets look dodgy some­how. Oh yeah, and your malls.

Ex­pect a high of 16 de­grees.

DUNEDIN

For you, Dunedin, early show­ers clear­ing by noon and then cloud in the af­ter­noon, with show­ers re­turn­ing to­mor­row night with a cool breeze.

At least that’s what MetSer­vice tells us.

But what’s the bet when we wake up in the morn­ing it will be sunny, but no­body will come on at the end of the news and ad­mit their mis­take and apol­o­gise be­cause again they got it wrong and made ev­ery­one think the weather was aw­ful, which is both bad for our im­age and bad for our econ­omy?

And what is cool? Isn’t that a sub­jec­tive word that peo­ple throw about with merry aban­don that means one thing to one per­son, and an­other to an­other?

Also, why use the word ‘‘breeze’’ when ‘‘gen­tle zephyr’’ or ‘‘lightly ruf­fled air’’ sounds so much nicer?

What do peo­ple from Welling­ton or some­where know about our weather, or the sort of mi­cro­cli­mates sub­urbs such as Morn­ing­ton or Ma­can­drew Bay have, and the ef­fect of that in terms of the me­te­o­ro­log­i­cal well­be­ing of the city?

Noth­ing!

That’s what!

This is both abuse and the worst sort of dis­crim­i­na­tion, plain and sim­ple. No won­der we get so angry.

Your high will be 13 de­grees.

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