THE SECRET DIARY OF . . . LAUREN SOUTHERN
MONDAY
New Zealand here we come! Land of the long white cloud, they call it. It’s great to finally come across a country that stands up for whites.
Our visas have arrived. They were handed to us personally by the minister of the New Zealand immigration service. Talk about good customer relations!
I said, ‘‘Hi, Iain! Come in and have ‘a cup of tea’, which I gather is an ancient Kiwi tradition.’’
He stood at the door and said, ‘‘Immigration New Zealand’s decision in no way condones the views expressed by yourself and Mr Molyneux, which are repugnant to this Government and run counter to the kind and tolerant values of the vast majority of New Zealanders.’’
I said, ‘‘Oh, you big kidder! Come on in. Turn that frown upside down. Sit with us a while, Iain! You’ll see we’re white folks just like you.’’
He said, ‘‘Many people would prefer it if yourself and Mr Molyneux never set foot in New Zealand.’’
I said, ‘‘What are they so afraid of?’’ He didn’t know what to say to that, and left.
TUESDAY
I said to the promoter, ‘‘Where are we performing in New Zealand? Isn’t it called the Bruce Springsteen Centre, or something?’’
He coughed and said there was a problem with the venue, and they were looking for somewhere else where we could share our message. I said, ‘‘What kind of problem?’’ He scratched his neck and said that it was some kind of zoning issue, ordnance, council regulations, ‘‘that sort of thing’’.
I looked him in the eye. He looked at his shoes. I said, ‘‘What are they so afraid of?’’ He didn’t know what to say to that, and left.
WEDNESDAY
New Zealand is off. It’s been cancelled.
Chalk it up as another victory for the intolerant, the censorious, the shouters of slogans. Chalk it up as another victory for the Left. Chalk it up as another victory for the echo chamber of Twitter.
THURSDAY
New Zealand is on again!
Chalk it up as another victory for people of principle who fight for freedom of speech. Chalk it up as another victory for the Right. Chalk it up as another victory for the social democracy of Twitter.
FRIDAY
I said to the promoter, ‘‘So where we are performing?’’
He rubbed his jaw and said that it hadn’t been confirmed yet, but there were several options on the table. I said, ‘‘All I need is a stage.’’
He ran his hands through his hair and said that it wasn’t that easy to find a stage in New Zealand at this time of year.
I looked him in the eye. He looked at his shoes. I said in a loud, clear voice, ‘‘The world today is deeply racist. Asians, blacks, Muslims and other radicals have all the power. They speak the loudest. They control the media. But so long as I have a voice, I will speak truth to power!’’
He looked me in the eye and said that it might have to be at Don Brash’s house, that if they moved the couch and the coffee table, they could probably fit about 20 people in his lounge.
The revolution has to start somewhere. — NZME