Tragedy led to helping others
TRAGEDY changed the direction of Sally Macdonald’s life. A trying time during her own mourning would drive her to be an anchor for her community, and ensure people were well supported during their own times of grief.
Sally McFarlane Robertson was born April 30, 1935, in Nelson, to William McFarlane ‘‘Mac’’ Robertson and Nancy Latter.
In the early 1940s, her family moved to Christchurch and she completed her education at Rangi Ruru Girls’ School.
She then worked at a doctor’s surgery before travelling.
In England, she worked as a nanny for a couple of years in Fording Bridge, near Salisbury.
Returning to Christchurch, she attended the wedding of a friend where she met her future husband, David Macdonald.
Two years later, the couple walked down the aisle to the song of a school choir, on June 14, 1961, at St Barnabas’ Church, in Christchurch, and Miss Robertson became Mrs Macdonald.
It was in 1969 when tragedy struck, changing their lives forever.
The couple’s firstborn son Dougal was killed in an accident on a property near their house, just days before his 7th birthday.
Her eldest boy’s death would give Mrs Macdonald a new direction in life, entirely.
‘‘She didn’t show it, but it really affected her for the rest of her life,’’ Mr Macdonald said.
The couple lost a child in a time when it wasn’t common to mourn openly, when people were expected to move on quickly from tragedy, he said.
‘‘In those days, you just sort of needed to get over it and the next day you’re supposed to act as though nothing has happened.’’
Determined noone else should suffer in silence, Mrs Macdonald embarked on a lifelong mission to lend a hand, an ear, and a shoulder to those in need.
When the call came from a friend who worked as a funeral director asking her to comfort a grieving family, Mrs Macdonald took on her first voluntary job of counselling those who were experiencing grief.
From there, it become clear to her how important such a role was to those in the community who were experiencing, or had experienced in the past, loss and grief.
Taking on an additional role as a funeral celebrant, Mrs Macdonald began preparing funeral services, making herself readily available to families on short notice.
She would drop everything and travel long distances to support people, who were then strangers, during their time of need.
Aside from assisting families with the more practical tasks of organising a funeral, Mrs Macdonald’s help extended beyond the days following a death.
Relationships were developed with those she helped which stretched for weeks, months, and years following their loss.
‘‘Her work with the families didn’t just end. She would work with families and people for as long as they needed her, and longer,’’ Mr Macdonald said.
She knew people were suffering unnoticed and she wanted to address it, she said.
‘‘Often, people want to talk, but they don’t know who to talk to, that’s what she did. She was just there for them.’’
Talking to a friend, Mrs Macdonald once questioned her lack of qualifications for the role she was playing in the community, to which her friend replied she had been to the ‘‘college of knocks’’, Mr Macdonald said.
‘‘You just can’t beat personal experience, can you?’’
In 1989, she took up training as a volunteer with the Cancer Society of New Zealand. For 10 years she attended regular Patient and Family Support Training in Dunedin, all the while continuing to support the community around her.
Her work with the community came in many forms over the years, whether it was as a member of the Health Committee, the Fiordland Community Organisation, as the operator of the Fiordland Support Service, or during her years with Hospice Southland.
Whether it was talking to someone in days of loss, illness, or grief, or arriving with a plate of baking on the anniversary of a death, Mrs Macdonald supported the Northern Southland community for decades.
Her support to the community earned her the Southland District Council award for services to the community, the Paul Harris Fellowship recognition award, and most notably, the Queen’s Service Medal in 2011.
Although she was surrounded by tragedy and loss, the heaviness of what she dealt with never weighed her down.
‘‘She loved what she did, as strange as it sounds, because she loved to help people.’’
She had a ‘‘great sense of humour’’ even throughout the toughest of times, a trait which ‘‘no doubt’’ helped others to cope through their own troubling times.
Mr Macdonald recalled someone referring to his wife as ‘‘Te Anau’s light in the darkness’’, a sentiment he held on to, still.
Mrs Macdonald died, aged 83, on August 14, at the Ascot Care Home in Invercargill.
A service held for her on August 20 was attended by a large portion of the Te Anau community and more than 300 people were there to pay their respects.
‘‘A lot of people came up to speak to me to tell me how she had helped them and I didn’t even realise they had anything to do with her,’’ Mr Macdonald said.
Mrs Macdonald is survived by her husband, David Macdonald, her sons James and William, daughtersinlaw Fiona and Susan, and grandchildren Kate, Anna, Ben, Sophie, Henry, Lucy, and Skye. — Sharon Reece
❛ Often, people want to talk, but they don’t know who to talk to, that’s what she did. She was just there for
them