COME THE REVOLUTION: THE RISE OF THE SHEEP
Hi, I’m Shawn — Shawn the sheep that is.
I’m just your average Joesheep on a paddock in the middle of
God knows where.
I’m used to endlessly eating grass so I can grow and one day be killed and eaten.
Eaten with no choice, like a fly caught in a spider’s web.
Nowhere to escape to, and trapped until the spider or, in my case, a human decides I look good enough to eat.
The repetitiveness of the days, the weeks and the months are getting tiring.
Humans call it ‘‘routine’’, but I would go as far as calling it ‘‘torture’’.
It’s harrowing, constantly being where you eat, sleep and excrete.
There is no excitement in life. It is the same almost every day.
The only different thing is being changed from one hellhole paddock to the next, the dogs barking and attacking us as we just walk to the next field.
To be frank, the dogs pee me off!
Last time when we were moving, I was just minding my own business and then out of nowhere, this mongrel of a dog nipped at my heels.
I was furious! For no apparent reason, I had been attacked.
I had had quite enough of that treatment.
I managed to calm myself down and carried on to the next paddock. But all was not forgotten.
The next day I was having a yarn with my friend.
We talked about the boring repetitiveness of life and how much it annoys us.
Eventually we got on to the topic of our hatred for dogs and humans and their godlike control over us.
It was good to know that I wasn’t alone in my feelings about the way we are treated.
To dogs, we are toys. To humans, we are lawn mowers, numbers, food and money.
I have decided to spread the word around the flock. I’m sick of being objectified.
I am going to start the Fourth Reich. The rise of the sheep is beginning.
I have created a committee to support me in my rise to power.
I’m going to be more powerful than any sheep, any stupid dog and human to ever exist.
I will be a god.
The humans and dogs will bow down to me.
In a week’s time, at the next paddock transfer, my army of sheep and I will first take the dogs hostage.
The humans will be next, after we have negotiated with the dogs and hopefully receive their support and help.
I will let you know how it goes ...
Well, things didn’t go to plan.
The day came. Stage one was about to begin. The dogs.
It started as our regular transfer always did.
We all followed orders and had our heels nipped and then our surprise attack was in session.
Every single sheep in my army started attacking and collecting dogs, pulling them by their ears to our fortress back at the paddock.
We had all learned karate over the last week of preparation.
So we used our new skills and outnumbered and overpowered the dogs.
The humans watched in admiration, as we had expected. It was absolutely perfect. The plan had worked immaculately.
We had all of the overpowering scary and annoying dogs under our control.
The original plan to persuade the dogs to help us and then attack the humans was still in order.
I did not want this to fail, so I decided to wait the day out and come back tomorrow for the humans.
We were then tasked with the job of convincing the dogs to join our reich, to take over their old masters and, in turn, the world.
My friend Ben is the most accomplished communicator we have in the flock, so he was in charge of the negotiations.
Ben approached the leader of the dogs and negotiated for about an hour.
I’m still to this day not sure what was said. All I know and care about is that it worked.
The dogs agreed that next morning, they would join our army and attack. And that is exactly what we had planned to do.
It was the next morning and we all woke up after a good night’s rest.
Only to find that half of the dogs had escaped.
The dirty sons of baaaaah studs betrayed us. They lied to the whole flock.
They had even had the audacity to agree with the way we had said we felt.
The conniving manipulative dogs have infuriated me. I am outraged!
Yes, we are down.
But we are most certainly not out.
The battle may have been lost, but the war has only just begun!