Heard of hugging cows?
Goes in search of the healing power of the bovine cuddle.
Needing to lift my mood, I thought I’d try the latest wellness drive, cow hugging. I’d heard about the benefits and thought it might be a moving experience.
The rising popularity of touching cattle in a loving way came to public attention during various global lockdowns: people were isolating, meaning they couldn’t bother others, and went in search of fresh pastures. Originating in the scandihoovian countries, journalists have been milking it for all it’s worth lately.
Who knows? It might be super therapeutic, if I can get past the fact that I’m scared of cows and the smell of milk makes me retch.
Enthusiasts say there are mental health benefits to be had from hugging cows. The calming power of the cow cuddle can be put down to their large size, and slower heartbeat. Plus, they are literally warm and fuzzy.
But cows freak me out. Their idle curiosity feels threatening. If I’m away tramping and crossing an area where there are cows, I’ll go the long way to avoid them, which only makes them more curious — then they start following me, which makes me hysterical. I’m fun to do stuff with.
Cows belong to the Bovidae family, comprising the biological family of clovenhoofed, ruminant mammals that including bison, buffalo, antelopes, and goatantelopes. The Bovidae family sounds like quite a posh family, the type that would marry a Kennedy.
I Googled ‘‘cows near me’’ and got nothing.
Then I remembered that there are some cows on my way into Port Chalmers from Purakaunui — working at the Holy Cow dairy.
Now, despite what the Casanova might say, I’m all about consent, so I thought I’d better ask Merrall if these were huggable cows.
‘‘They’re all different,’’ he said, ‘‘they like different things.’’ Fair enough. Personally, I don’t like being hugged or stroked by people I don’t know since that one time at the hippy commune. You can’t just launch into some random embracing and not expect folks to get twitchy. Especially if there are aroma issues.
After explaining that I was afraid of cows, Merrall invited me to pop by for a hug the next morning when the cows were being milked and would have their calves with them, so I could hug something smaller if things got too much. I arrived as the sky was turning orange over the harbour. A miniature horse sneered as I entered the milking shed, my Red Bands weren’t fooling anyone. I readied myself for a deeply spiritual animal/ human connection.
Humans and animals have always been linked on an innate level: we’ve ridden horses for thousands of years, dogs are our best friends, and cats don’t smother us in our sleep even though they can.
The human/animal relationship goes well beyond the superficial, the practical, and the useful: our connection to animals is so intense that it changes our physiology. Spending time with an animal can influence blood pressure, heart rate, hormones, and how the body releases and uses vital neurotransmitters.
Among the most important aspects of this connection is oxytocin, which increases in both humans and animals when the two touch. Oxytocin is a chemical deemed the ‘‘love hormone’’ because of its ability to elicit feelings of trust, empathy, and warmth while reducing feelings of angst, fear, and depression.
The lady cows were huge, and they had equally huge horns. I reminded myself that people are paying $75 an hour in California for time with a halftonne cuddle buddy and I patted the side of a modelbeautiful cow with a fluffy tan hide and big brown eyes but she tossed her horns in an unmistakable ‘‘get your hands off me immediately’’ gesture.
The other cows were staring, not aggressively, more because I was wearing a leopard print dress.
According to the same Californiabased cow cuddling practitioner, cows are very centred, grounded and immersed in the present time. However, this cow’s present time involved a having machine attached to her nipples, so I could understand her not being in a cuddling mood.
I decided to make a more unpresumptuous start and knelt down in the fresh sawdust to hug a calf called Laura. She didn’t mind. She felt lovely and soft and warm. The milk smell of the shed made me feel a little pukey but I didn’t care because it was wonderful and udderly worth it.