In praise of taking the bike lane
WHY YOU SHOULD DATE A GUY WHO RIDES A BIKE
I recently took part in a charity bike ride, raising funds for the Coastal Communities Cycle Connection, a twopart cycleway to connect the communities of Waikouaiti/Karitane and Warrington/EvansdaleWaitati. It was supposedly a ‘‘friendly’’ but many of the riders were like greyhounds after the rabbit from the getgo. I was more like a wombling Labrador and took six hours to complete 65km, but I didn’t die (even though I felt like puking my heart up), so, result.
As with every sport I engage in, my enthusiasm far outweighs any athletic ability, plus I bought totally the wrong bike with me: a gravel bike with no suspension, causing a small boy to say to me at one point, ‘‘Wow, your bum must really hurt’’.
Cyclists are a funny bunch. They are obsessed with Strava and doing things in groups. They wear clippy shoes that make tapdancing sounds on the footpath, and really tight shorts. Like many of you, I’ve scoffed at the Lycra clad — but tell you what, I’ve had the scoff wiped right off my face. After spending some time with one of their tribe, I’m thinking a bike nut might be the perfect man for any lady looking for fast rides and stamina.
If you’re ready to put pedal to the metal, then why spend time scouring the apps, or going on dates that thrust a stick in the spokes of your mental wellbeing when you can live life on the edge . . . of the road.
Not convinced? Here are some reasons to start dating a (proper) cyclist:
THEY’RE BRILLIANT, AND KIND
Their bodies aren’t the only things in top condition. According to a study by Mindlab, cyclists are 13% smarter than the average person and 10% more likely to be charitable. If having a boyfriend who doesn’t need Google to answer your questions isn’t enough, then maybe the fact that he is also caring and selfless will do it.
THEY’RE MONSTROUSLY FIT
Pro cyclists spend an average of two to six hours per day training and put between 20,00025,000 training and racing miles into their legs per annum. These factors translate to a body that’s been sculpted and toned due to rigorous training. All of that riding does wonders for their calves, and the parts that make jeans fit, and their energy/endurance is skyhigh — they’ll be out the door faster than you can say, ‘‘walk on the beach?’’.
THEY’RE EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE
Evolutionary biologist Eric Postma conducted a study about whether a link existed between people’s perception of a cyclist’s attractiveness and his success rate. Postma found that cyclists who excelled in the Tour de France were generally seen as being more attractive than other athletes. And also the only people on the planet who suit the colour yellow.
THEY’RE DETERMINED
Spending today riding a bike in wind and rain up mountains and through rivers? Me neither and also, maybe. One of the traits of dedicated cyclists is that they are incredibly strongwilled, choosing to ride regardless of conditions. Correlating this stubbornness to their love lives, who wouldn’t want a guy who is willing to make things work despite trials and tribulations? I say if he is not afraid to get covered in mud getting where he needs to go, he’s a keeper.
THEY EPITOMISE TRUTH IN ADVERTISING
In a world where noone looks like their profile picture, a cyclist’s formfitting lycra leaves nothing to the imagination. You know exactly what you’re getting, and you can bounce $2 coins off their bums.
THEY ARE ALWAYS GOING SOMEWHERE
‘‘I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list,’’ Susan Sontag said. If you’re an avid traveller, who better to accompany you than someone who already spends so much time wandering around, plus, having a sharp eye for beautiful places is in their nature. If you’re wanting adventure, a cyclist will go the distance.
Some might say falling in love is like riding a bike: you start off slow, fall off coming down that path next to Plato restaurant and break your elbow, and finally get the hang of it the moment you stop overthinking.
One thing’s for sure, you’re going to have to put your trainers on if you want to keep up. And invest in some padded shorts for your backside.