Beware unrealistic expections

As I work alongside families I hear comments such as: ‘‘I could never be the perfect parent’’ and ‘‘How is it that other families seem to have it altogether?’’

Our expectations for ourselves and for others have to be realistic. We must remember that our perception of what is ‘perfect’ or ‘altogether’ may be quite different to what others think.

Of course boundaries, structure and loving guidance in our families are important. Also, we all need to have opportunities, time and space to learn through experiences. Siblings need to work through disagreements, they are learning how to resolve conflict. Expressing emotions is very important too – however, it doesn’t always happen at the most convenient times. Children need opportunities to make their own choices. As

‘‘Let go of unrealistic expectations.’’

parents we must do no more than the best we can with what we know and have. Yes, we are allowed to make mistakes without perpetual guilt.

Let’s consider ways to manage our expectations regarding our parenting and our families. For a start, we can let go of unrealistic expectations. If you were a friend or a family member of someone with unrealistic expectations think about what you would say to them then take these comments on for yourself. Do your expectations help or hinder you and your family? If the expectations motivate and challenge you in helpful ways, then that’s wonderful. However, if they are unrealistic they will not be helpful. Instead of being harsh, be compassionate to yourself and to others in your family. Communicate your feelings and acknowledge those that are communicated to you. Also, remember to be flexible according to what’s happening in your lives at the time.

I shared with a group of parents strategies about how to manage major changes. Some of our expectations for ourselves and our families that we have before any major changes become unrealistic. We manage these changes and respond to them as best as we can with what we know and have. It is also helpful to seek out community and professional support in such instances.

So, when we think others seem to be better parents or that there are other families that seem to have it more together then ours, let’s focus on being grateful for what we already have, set more realistic expectations, let children be children, be kind to yourself and know that when changes come we are capable of navigating them with support if necessary.

Diane McKinstry

REAL – coaching for parents & educators