PARENTAL guidance
Social media can turn us into guilty parents, writes Stephanie Arthur-worsop
Before our son was born, my husband and I had all these grand ideas about howwe would raise him. He was going to be exclusively breastfed, no screen-time, only given sustainable, wooden toys, eat only organic, homemade food and sleep in his ownbed every night.
As a newparent-to-be, myfalse sense of confidence was buoyedbythe hundreds of‘mummyinfluencers’ on socialmedia.
Every photo I came across I would see their impeccablehomeswith pristine, white throw rugs and coffee tables adornedwith a crystal vase full of fresh flowers and a stack of carefully fanned out magazines.
In the centre of the photo would be their perfectlywell-behaved child in cloth nappies playing with monochrome blocks or smiling placidly at thecamera.
Theymade it look so easy I was sure I could be just like them.
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again— oh hownaive I was.
We started out “well”. We had the wooden play gymand in our tired, lovefilled haze, the TV was never on. I was persevering through eight-hour cluster feeds and always put himdown in his bassinet, even if it meant getting up again 40 minutes later.
But as timewent on andwe got into the groove of parenthood, our resolve slowly ebbed away.
Our son was not interested in floor time untilmyparents broughtdown a colourful, singing play gym, and suddenly he would spend hours on the floor.
Since then, mycriteria for his toys have been, does it have lightsand sound? Is it colourful? And potentially the most important thing, will it withstand his dribble and spilling?
Around the same time, we started introducing formula for one bottleaday and he became a totally different baby. Within a fewweeks, I had stopped breastfeeding completely.
Theniwent back to work and all our preconceived notions of whatmade good parentswent out the window.
Working fromhome during lockdown didn’t help either. Onthe dayswewere both working, our babysitterwasthe Wiggles.
Basically, if our boy was fed, watered and clothed, we’d high-five and sleep soundly that night.
Nowthat he’s eating threemeals a day plus snacks, I have also turnedmy back onmy“onlyhomemade” promise and have a stash of pre-made Watties pouches for those nightswhenanovertired baby coincideswith a long day at work.
Even though I stand by every decision we’vemade so far, I still get that guilty feeling creeping upwhenever I see a perfectly-poised post by one of those mummyinfluencers.
Sitting there inmypuke-stained hoodie, having just givenmy son spaghetti bolognese from a jar, I questionwhether
I’m failing as amum.
Then I think back to our day. We played tickle monster and he was in fits of laughter, we threwsticks for the dog and got lots of sloppy kisses inreturn, we discovered the texture ofmudand got to enjoy a midday bath as a result.
Sure, my carpet is indesperate needof aclean, magazineswill get ripped and chewed if left unattended and anything not nailed downhas had to be taken out of the lounge.
Butwe have fun, we laugh andwe don’t take anything too seriously.
The notion of being the perfect parent is not newbut never before havewe had it thrust in our faces so aggressively through socialmedia.
There’s nothing wrong with striving to be better and using socialmedia as a motivator butwhen the constant pressure makesgreat parents feel like failures, we need tostep back and have a bit of perspective.
Every socialmedia post is a snapshot.
It’s staged, set up to show a particular angle and most importantly, it only ever shows the good times, never the tantrums, teething or sleepless nights.
I nowknowwe will never live up to the picture-perfect parents socialmedia tells us we should be but as long as our son goes to sleep every night knowing he’s loved,
I no longer care.
It’s theweekend again and once more essence has a great line up of localcomment and a feature aswell as all the usual content - home and beauty trends, entertainment ideas and puzzles. Thisweek, Carly Gibbs finds out whether work-life balance can actually be achieved in a busy world and talks to people on both sidesof the fence.
In her column Stephanie ArthurWorsop writes about being a parent and howto overcome that inevitable guilt.
And in a special piece launching theescape! Festival, Leah Tebbutt talks to Dr Kura Paul-burke about growing upma¯oriwhenpeople didn’t speak the language andhow she has fulfilledher yearning to connect with her origins through her marine science work.